lol! It's miraculous that I'm happily married because the only things I could think to care about are:
less intelligent than I am
Other than that, and I don't really care.
See, I like sports, so sports fan would be cool with me. I also think that there are different kinds of intelligence, so while I may be smarter in another area, maybe they are in another. Mentally well matched is good, so I would have to respect their mind and have their respect too.
I see unemployed as a temporary state that we all go through at some point, but "chronically unemployed" would be a deal breaker too.
wow, that's a long list.
do you ask your mates how many women they've slept with?
my husband kinda kisses like a pez dispenser. lol.
Nope. I ask if it's more than one and less than 50 and if they say no then I'll ask more questions.
Well, I'm only slightly miffed you wouldn't date me, based on these criteria.
--Someone who casually betrays me or others
--Abusive (in any form)
--Poly (I am not helping my boyfriend shop for a new girlfriend--dated a poly guy once and now I'm done).
--As anxious as me (or worse). Really, we need compatible neuroses, not competing ones.
--Really Jealous (I have guy friends, they're going to have to cope)
--Not Jealous enough (Sometimes a girl wants to feel wanted, but not in the "freak your guy out way." I love it when David sees me talking to a guy he doesn't know and he just sidles up and puts his arm around me...)
--Does not share my sex drive. Love conquers a lot, but libido isn't something it can really handle.
--Cares more about "collections" (or car, or whatever) more than me. I can live with them loving a pet more than me (the pet was here first and they are responsible for it), but I'm not second fiddle to an inanimate object, and my ability to cope with being second fiddle to a pet is limited.
--Insecurity. It's not sexy. It's not "nice to know he's thinking about you." It's the prelude to "creepy." Its not pretty, and while I can tolerate some of it, I don't tolerate a lot.
--Passive aggressive. I want you aggressive-aggressive so I have my choices laid out. Sometimes not arguing with me is MUCH worse for both of us than having an argument. A guy who can't or won't stand up for what he wants and is passive aggressive gets the boot faster than almost anyone else.
Well, even Craig doesn't avoid everything on this list. As it turns out I'm superly easily annoyed and in general don't dig many of the traits of the average man. ;)
Of course no cheating, lies, or abuse would be tolerated, but the smaller offenses crack me up. It's very easy to get on my no list.
I have to argue that there are some very very good writers and articles that have been in Playboy. I suppose because everyone assumes that people will spend their time looking at the nude girls, the writers are given carte blanche and so many tend to be more erudite. I do hope that those who do read Playboy expand to explore a writer's other works outside the magazine.
Why yes. The writers who say that long walks on the beach are what the centerfold enjoys and that she's looking for just a "regular guy"? How about those writers? ;)
::whew:: apparently i'm safe from you stealing my husband, lol. he fails on 10 of your criteria.
Facial hair (well, not normally, but it grows FAST and his 5 o'clock shadow is like prince's meticulously groomed stubble beard)
Is over 17 and still plays D&D (i'll give him that)
Says "actually" too much (but i do too, oops)
Wears tighty whiteys (he used to, at least he's upgraded to boxer briefs)
Doesn't groom their downstairs area so they have wookie bush that sings welcome to the jungle each time they remove their pants (again, i have a HAIRY man, and it doesn't bother me)
Doesn't buy presents for the ladies in their life. (we have a mutual agreement on this though)
Thinks holidays are stupid or commercial. (i do too, so it's all good)
Crazy monobrow. (i've already mentioned the hair thing, right? he does make an effort to keep the unibrow in check though)
Puts dirty dishes in the sink rather than emptying the clean ones in the dishwasher. (i've spoiled him now, but it really pissed me off when i was working)
Paint minitures or hangs out in gaming stores. (again, i love my gamer geek)
That makes him have much in common with most guys on the internet. ;)
Suffice it to say I'm not a big fan of most men and gamers particularly dance on every last nerve I've got. However, I wish them no ill will, I simply pre-no them for dating.
"Doesn't groom their downstairs area so they have wookie bush that sings welcome to the jungle each time they remove their pants."
Ok, I was really glad I wasn't drinking my tea when I read that. My list...
*has an aversion to soap and water
*their only idea of a good time is bar hopping until they are drunk enough to puke
*more than five years younger than me
*lack of ambition
*chronic unemployment (they don't have to make a lot of money, Chuck is broke with a capital B but he goes to work every day)
*someone who needs to be taken care of (I want to be taken care of...lol)
Ooooh demeaning is a good one. The rest are of course true dealbreakers, but I hadn't thought to call out the demeaning thing and it's such a big and common one too.
See, they aren't "deal breakers" if you don't break the deal over them.
They're more like "man, i wish I had these, but I'm willing to settle".
They are date breakers, so I won't date someone if this is the case.
Now, if I already love the person and then 8 months later I find out about the role playing? well, I was tricked.
So, it's a date breaker? So, only one of these does Craig break, and that's the online role playing.
Edited at 2009-03-06 06:10 am (UTC)
I think self-respect eventually pays off... that's why.
I never had much luck with men, and I always thought it was because of my size. But I'd look at women who were even bigger than me and had men in their lives and think, "WTF?" Not that I didn't want them to be happy, but.... Then it would always click. They often weren't happy. They settled, and some of them would even admit that it was because they didn't think they could do any better and were afraid to be alone. "So what if he treats me like crap? At least I have a man."
I just could never go there. I was happier being alone.
I've told dentar
that he is like a miracle in many ways. I'm not saying he's perfect, of course; that would be a completely ludicrous claim. But he is an amazing partner who has his own standards and who treats me like royalty. I'm glad I wasn't one of those women who settled out of fear of being alone. :o) It's nice to see that you don't do that, either.
When I was 20, I was much more open. I thought, "Well, if the guy is just honest and loyal that's all I need." It's only through life experience that I've found that not to be the case. I'd MUCH rather be single than have a guy who is a bad match for me.
However, I'm not so strict on my list as to think every last thing has to be perfect. For example, while Craig DOES play online roleplaying, it isn't a real dealbreaker, but it HAS been one of the main sources of conflict in our relationship.
My boyfriend encompasses everything you don't want in a man. LOL. Oh well, I think I'll keep him :)
See, most of them do! That's why I'm so safe to have as a girlfriend. I'm no threat to anyone. :)
As a long term single person, I often wonder if my no-no list would be too long and that even if I was trying to find someone, that I'd be too picky. Then I remember how I used to 'settle' in my early 20's which led to relationships that were totally unsuccessful, in fact so bad that I'd often be so relieved to get rid of them that being single was a treat!
Whether it is because I am older, or because of the illness, but I am much more wary of men and in a way, prefer being single... but I am sure that if I meet the right person, that maybe the no-no list would shrink a little - or at least the niggly things like hobbies etc - wouldn't matter so much.
Still, it is an interesting topic :)
It's hard to find someone who not only doesn't violate the "dealbreakers" but has SOME of the "nice to have" qualities.
Some of this stuff is tongue in cheek that I write and not really a "deal breaker" exactly, but I think there is a nice balance between not settling totally and also accepting someone as they are. None of us are perfect and there is no such thing as the "perfect relationship". That said, I think that more women are choosing to stay single and are happy being single and that is a totally valid choice. Why have a bad relationship if you are totally satisfied with your life being single?