||[Feb. 3rd, 2009|12:16 pm]
It's getting SO much better, but I have to whine for a second because I'm SO tired. It drains me to the point that it disturbs my work. Then like just now I can take 1 pill and get more done in the hour after that than I did the 2 hours prior.
Being under the influence of pain is so hard. It's weary, boring, difficult, and loathesome. It takes a type A person like me and makes me feel frustrated and useless.
Even pain level 5, while a HUGE improvement means I'm putting in full focus to do things that would normally be easy for me.
I am thankful that it doesn't hurt bad enough to make me cry, but I have to force myself to not lay on the floor still. I have to stand up and stretch out every hour or so to stop the muscle cramping. I have to work at night often because I couldn't focus enough due to pain interrupting my day. Craig is upset with me because I"m working more and more at night, but that's only because I have to get things accomplished and my pain levels getting high during the day will mean I'll miss deadlines if I don't. I'm now working until 8pm and also on the weekends to try to keep up. I'm also working through most of my lunches anymore trying to get more done.
The worst part is I'm scared. Scared my body won't cooperate on a day I need it the most. I have been working during lunch trying to get more done so that I can balance my work and home life. I want to be productive enough, but I have to take breaks because of my pain. Sometimes I get so frustrated I want to cry. I'm afraid that although I wouldn't qualify that I AM partially disabled. I have to just keep trying though because there is no such thing as partially disabled and I want to keep working. I love my job! I just hope I'm doing enough because I'm doing my very best.