Being here inspires me, you inspire me to make myself more accountable and a better person. Talking with you today, I was the most honest I have been with anyone about my behavior and it really made me think about things a lot. I am really tired but I need to get this tuff out of my head so I am going to write about everything that I am thinking and feeling. Thank you for everything you did today, thank you for the person that you are, and thank you for the person that you inspire me to be. A HUGe thank you to you and Craig, you both were awesome, and quite hospitable.
*hugs* Thank you. Thanks for cooking for me and helping me get groceries and everything else. I really like hanging out with you.
I can tell you're in a lot of pain from this post. :(
I'm sorry I didn't come over tonight. The BBQ was later than we expected. It was great to see Amy, but the BBQ itself was depressing.
I'll be over tomorrow and we do fun stuff! *hugs*
I've run out of the "generous" 30 vicoden dr. Plastic gave me, so pain levels are a bit out of control, but coming down a bit. SO frustrating. I can't ask for more, so I have to wait. I'm thinking about going back to my surgeon who did my bypass and asking him for a referral to a surgeon who isn't an ass and a loratab script enough to last 2 weeks.
Looking forward to fun stuff! See you soon. *hugs*
2008-07-20 02:18 pm (UTC)
Size 4 isn't even a "normal" woman at all, but when have you ever been normal? ;) Do you realize I've lost a YOU? Sometime when you're healed I want you to jump on my back so I can get some perspective.
I love you, you little slip of a girl. I'm sorry things are rough on the homefront. I really am.
People now treat me mean in dressing rooms like they did when I was big. YOu can't win. Whatever. I desperately need pants still.
It's like dressing up a child. I see my clothes and they look laughable to me.
Two people yesterday told me they thought you were beautiful and looked really healthy. Just thought you should know. I agree, but I wasn't one of the two who brought it up. My friend Jen is over here and saw your picture.
2008-07-20 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
It's always "Who is THAT?" Oh, that's my best friend. She is so beautiful. Then they debate is it the eyes or the hair they like more. :)
2008-07-20 09:22 pm (UTC)
*shy smile* That is so sweet. I appreciate it very much. Can't wait for us to get some hot pictures together!!!
2008-07-20 05:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you for telling me! :)
I'm sorry people treat you mean. I used to go out shopping with my size 0-2 cousin (the stripper) because all of the women she knew would be bitchy about it. I was the only gal who would go shopping with her and actually tell her how nice she looked. I don't hold someone being small against them. That's ridiculous. I hold superiour attitudes against people, and a lot of small women are snotty. "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because I am queen bitch."
I had no idea how hard it is to find professional attractive clothes in a smaller size. It's all "slutwear" like we all are strippers once below a size 6.
2008-07-20 09:23 pm (UTC)
You might have to try some more upscale shops. Maybe Ross just doesn't cut it for dressy stuff.
I had a similar experience when I lived in LA and I was friends with a model/actress who had had two children but was still drop dead gorgeous. She literally had no female friends. I was bigger then, a size 16 or 18 but I didn't care what she looked like. She was and still is an awesome person who I got to see first hand was treated horribly.
Fighting with Craig may not be healthy, but it is normal. It's how you handle the fights that are telling. Don't stress about it so much. You two are very much in each others faces because of your recovery. There is such a thing as too much togetherness.
Now, I would start with my PCP and ask him for the lortab, he knows your history of pain and what it takes to semi control it for you. I think that if you tell him Dr. Plastic Brain has cut you off completely, he'll be willing to help you.
*And finally, people are bitches, f*** them. It's fear when we're big, "Oh thank goodness that's not me, wait, how much did I eat for lunch? Let me be a bitch to them and I'll feel better." And jealousy now that you're tiny, "Skinny bitch has life handed to her on a silver platter. I bet she can eat anything and not gain an ounce, and she's probably happily married and never had to work for a thing in her life and most likely runs marathons without breaking a sweat....I hate her." If they are obvious about it, tell them you would trade lives with them for two hours on a bad pain day in a heart beat. It would need to be a bad pain day so they could really understand the suffering you deal with daily.
*Goes off grumbling about idiots in the world*
We had a good tearful talk today. You know, we love eachother, but these last 6 months have been hell on earth for me. Not to mention where is the girl he knew 45lbs ago?
Thank GOD for my friends. They know what I've been through and are never mean because I'm small. They know I'm not bragging about size 4 being a bit big, but I'm working on gaining a few muscles and that my plastics doc wen't a bit extreme on me.
In the meantime, I'll be on the lookout for non-slut wear in your size online.