|Stop interfering with my Phost! Day 13 post surgery
||[Jul. 8th, 2008|02:16 pm]
Apparently getting up from the couch this morning wasn't allowed as I heard "Pop" "Pop" and felt a bad pain. I called the surgeon, Dr. Fauxlaugh from the Eastside as we've all come to know and love him. The man who CAN give you the most expensive designer tummy that will make you sort of wish you were dead because it hurts, but it looks so damn good you want to wear a bikini at the funeral so at least his good work won't go to waste. Can I get that spray paint in Oompa Loompa orange so I look like a celeb? Thanks sweetie darlin babe.
Anyhow, for me, as previously discussed, operation "Pee straight" was a stellar success and I could now hit a keyhole at 20 paces I have such the designer pee power from the "Extended Lower Body Lift with Fluer De Lis Incision" which in human terms means (butcher woman like fish-reassemble in horrific proceedure that looks like horror movie). It is a true delight. Well, besides peeing, my daily activities include daily 10 minute walks. "Garment" enjoyment. Incision blowdrying, and now a new activity called "Help Officer, I believe I've just broken my buttock?" Well, I showed up 40 minutes later and the asked why I was driving. I explained that if they were any stingier with the painkillers I'd be able to pass the bar exam and do a brain surgery while I was there. They looked me over, admired me, weighed and praised my wee self, and told me that I didn't actually break a vital stitch. They put in extras because I'm such a major PiA(tient).
They did say however that the directions of 1-2 per hour means to TAKE THEM and stay down. No more of this anxious cabin fever oh I need up and down 40 times a day and me freaking out about refills. They said 30 IS a standard refill. To call them when I start to run out and that's how it works and NO they did not write a bible of post surgical torture just for me. Now would I realize I've had a surgery serious enough to be rated 9 out of 10 and that they don't even DO in some countries and stay down and heal already and they will see me Monday. Oh. And don't go to work. So now I'm actually ON 2 pain pills so I can't drive but I can't spell either or figure out the bills. Or go to work. But I feel more compliant about staying down.
So, that's my day so far. You?
Also, for those keeping track at home, our heroin wore a brown and blue minidress will "beige" garment hanging out the bottom complete with black mary janes, no shower, and insane hair to her outing today as they told me to arrive immediately. Nothing goes with a swanky marble office like something like a mismatched mugshot walking in the door. Can I get a breathmint? Want to see my leghair?
Still bored. I can't remember the last time I hadn't shaved my legs in 13 days. Who has red leg hair? Appraently me. It's really strange since I never see it. I am like a strawberrry blonde and peach sasquatch. It's awesome. I should take hippy pictures. I'm bored bored bored. Who let Tyra Banks have a TV show? She is out of her mind. I think even female Merecats could kick her butt.