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Dating for Fat Chicks [Jun. 16th, 2008|12:09 pm]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

Flame away. I'm already tired and in raging pain, so I don't care. Also regardless of size, I've never dated when NOT being considered a "fat chick" to some extent. Also, being a skeenier beotch is scary for internet dating. Too many responses. Too scary. It's not all better being smaller. Some of the same annoyances happen, so don't feel special like you are treated like dirt ONLY because of weight. Some guys feel anyone over 115lbs is fat.

1. Post a current FULL LENGTH picture. I mean it. Don't do the My Space angle and then expect good results when you show up in person. I expect pictures taken within the last year at many angles in both more dressed up and casual clothes.

2. Take your profile and remove 50% of the words. Replace them with photos. Sorry, straight guys don't read that much and they need a picture book much like a comic. Remember, they generally aren't as smart or deep as you want and if they could pretend they were well enough most likely they wouldn't still be single.

3. Set an age range. If you won't consider someone under or over an age, state that. Why waste his time.

4. Let the guy contact you. It is your job to attract guys and pick one to date, not to stalk guys. This makes them generally feel less manly and be less attracted to you. I know this is old fashioned, but try it.

5. If you are on a free site, expect jobless and married guys to contact you. If you want to get serious, try eharmony.com, otherwise, expect 90% to be trying to hook up with you.

6. Do not put out outside the confines of a committed relationship unless you are ok with the results which could include being a friends with benefits, and the guy dating and doing other people too. You can say this is old fashioned, but if you try it both ways, you'll see what I mean.

7. You can't be pissed that guys are guys and not come across as a bitter hag. Just as you are pissed that they are shallow, some other guy is pissed that you are only dating guys over 5'10" who have a certain income level and education.

8. Try a balding guy. They are good in the sack! Seriously. Part of balding is the extra testosterone. Did ya know that? Well, try it. I'm glad to get Craig some hair plugs if he wants it, but he can keep that extra testosterone. Throw a hat on him and go get it girl! Never forget that good sex is important to us all. Otherwise, just be friends.

9. If you are looking for a love relationship, don't accept less. That means being willing to be single.

10. Date multiple guys at once until you find the right one. It helps you keep perspective.

11. Stop with all of the contact. Each time you want to reach out, realize that about half of that is nice. The rest is scary to guys.

12. Skirts are good. Cleavage is good. In moderation. If you show up looking like a booty call, you'll be treated like one.

13. Are you just looking for attention, or a relationship? It's easier to get attention. If you just want to wake up to fun email and conversation, post the sexiest photos you can and ask provocative questions. This will work great. Remember, you can't out sexy everyone. There is ALWAYS someone younger, thinner, hotter. Expect to put in more effort looking if you want more though.

14. "Just Friends" is silly. You don't need guys for that. Stop telling the guy you don't find attractive that you can be friends. Nut up, tell him you aren't interested and be done with it.

15. No reason to make out again if he was a bad kisser. It doesn't get better the second time. ;)

[User Picture]From: punkyami_chan
2008-06-16 07:24 pm (UTC)
Good advice. Most of which, I already follow. Including setting what I'm looking for, age range, etc.

Most men are still assholes, though. :p
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 07:28 pm (UTC)
They can be, but there are some good ones out there too. It helped me to look at dating as a hilarious way to get good blog material. If you see it as a fun experience you can tolerate more of it until you find that person you want to be with.

Women can be real assholes too.
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[User Picture]From: puppie
2008-06-16 07:25 pm (UTC)
Agreed, especially with numbers 1, 8, 10, and 15!!
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 07:29 pm (UTC)
I think the reason why I've done well in internet dating is really due to number 1. I haven't tried to hide my size at any size. You have to be honest with yourself and others or it isn't fair.
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[User Picture]From: toomskt
2008-06-16 07:32 pm (UTC)
word. All of this is trufax.

I'd add that talking about prior dates/boyfriends or revealing a tendency to think that all men are bad people will automatically make you unattractive, especially in the first few dates.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 07:42 pm (UTC)
Very true. You have to hold out faith that just like you aren't a money grubbing heart breaker, not all guys are shallow jerks just wanting booty. There are good people out there still for sure.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2008-06-16 07:59 pm (UTC)
lol I am soooo glad I got married before people started looking for love online.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 08:01 pm (UTC)
I did internet dating back in 1993. Srsly. I'm old.
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[User Picture]From: cerridwenskye
2008-06-16 08:15 pm (UTC)
Rob and I kind of found each other by accident through lj. We are both in a community for people from our college, and one day somebody posted complaining about being single, I replied, and so did he. That night he imed me. At first I wasn't really willing to give him a chance because he was too old for me (I was 19, he was 30 at the time). So we talked as friends, and a few weeks later I came to realize he was amazing, and there was potentially something there.

So I guess I disagree a little bit. Or maybe I just got lucky. It's been 3 and a half years, and I never knew I could love or be loved as much as I am.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 09:05 pm (UTC)
All rules are made to be broken. :) I think it's good to date outside your "type".
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[User Picture]From: dreamcowgirl
2008-06-16 08:48 pm (UTC)
This was a great post....I may have to post it on my board by desk as a reminder when I read replies from the dating sites.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 09:06 pm (UTC)
Ha! Glad you had fun with it. :) I used to collect awesome mullet photos from guys when I did online dating. Once a guy with a mullet AND a handlebar moustache sent me a pic. I was rolling.
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[User Picture]From: pullthestars
2008-06-16 08:52 pm (UTC)
Yeah. *sigh* it's hard, though, to put that full length pic up there. I should really do that, though. Soon.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 09:07 pm (UTC)
It's hard, but way easier than the disappointment of someone thinking you look different than you do.

Be proud of who you are. Not everyone will like it, but then again, you aren't looking for just anyone. We all exist in a human body if we want to think about it or not. Even if we HATE to think about it, we are partly defined by our body, especially in matters of romance.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-16 09:54 pm (UTC)
I'd love to help people set up profiles. I"m good at taking photos. I like to hook people up if I can. I'm a romantic. I believe in twwoooo wuv.
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[User Picture]From: druidesskat
2008-06-17 12:38 am (UTC)

I'd like to add... don't count a guy out for being younger than you. Not all young guys are immature.

My hubby's 8 years younger than I. When we met he was 21 and I was 29. I nearly didn't accept his offer for "free beer and red meat" but decided, I like beer and red meat! Imagine my shock when he opened doors and was SUPER polite!

He still does too. :)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-17 01:18 am (UTC)
Cute! Yes, it's always good to consider someone you might not usually date. The way you usually date may not be working, thus why you are single. :)
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[User Picture]From: specsafety
2008-06-17 01:42 am (UTC)

You hit it on the head....

I love this advice. I agree with all of this...maybe not the balding part(I hope you don't mind a little self promotion for any single girls out there!)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-17 02:28 am (UTC)

Re: You hit it on the head....

Advertise away! :)

Not the balding part? I didn't say ONLY balding, I'm just saying my experience is, you don't want to exclude these guys. Some of them are awesome. Same thing for guys who aren't quite as tall.
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[User Picture]From: pattinthehatt
2008-06-17 06:15 pm (UTC)
I'm not gonna flame you, but I will say that if I wasn't somewhat aggressive with my dentar we wouldn't ever have gotten together, much less be engaged. He was very flirty with me when we met, but too shy to follow up on it, even with encouragement. I contacted him first, I kissed him first, and second, for that matter, was the seducer the first time we were together, and so on. I'm not big pushy about any of it or anything, and I certainly wouldn't have stalked him if he wasn't interested. But he's said many times he's so glad I did do what I did, because he just didn't think someone so pretty and smart (his words, not mine) would really be interested.

One of the best things, ever? I've seen his self confidence grow in leaps and bounds. I hope that it's grown enough that if something happens to me he won't be too shy to find someone else.

Oh, and he's been an absolutely awesome bf/fiance. No man has ever treated me better.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2008-06-18 09:15 pm (UTC)
I think this is good advise except for #15. The first time Lan kissed me I WAS NOT impressed. It was just several hard fast pecks. Once he relaxed a bit, he became a much better kisser. And now, I love to kiss him. Sometimes people are just uptight the first time they kiss you. If that's the only drawback, they should be given another chance and if one is brave enough, tell them what they're doing wrong.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-18 09:19 pm (UTC)
Was that the ENTIRE first date he kissed you though, or just the first kiss?
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[User Picture]From: qryb
2008-06-21 07:58 pm (UTC)
okcupid.com is good AND free.

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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-21 08:12 pm (UTC)
I found it was good at getting really ugly polyamory dudes to contact me as well as a bunch of gaming dorks. I think it depends what you're looking for. ;)

I did get an awesome collection of ugly mullet and goatee photos that people sent me from that site.
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