||[Feb. 6th, 2008|06:07 pm]
I'm in pain. Not just a little bit. I overworked myself (until midnight), took no breaks, and didn't eat enough yesterday.
Today I took an extra pain pill I'm not supposed to take and still am in very bad pain. I try to care that I'm messing myself up for the future, but I just hurt so bad I can't focus on that.
I can't wait to tip over into my bed. I'll be offline all daytime tomorrow entirely and most of Friday as well. I won't even be reachable by cell tomorrow or most of the business day on Friday. May be online here and there in the evening.
Can I just add that being without Craig is like walking around with a missing front tooth and a caramel apple in hand. I talk about him to everyone I meet. Not having him here at the end of the day is so hard and I appreciate just how much love, support, and comfort he gives me every day. It's easy to forget, but the truth is, he's holding me up every day, and my life is better because I know I can trust him. He doesn't just catch me when I fall, he's got me. I've got him too, and I'm sure missing that right now. I hope he gets enough WOW in when I'm gone to take me out this weekend. :)
2008-02-07 02:35 am (UTC)
I hope this pain subsides quickly...try to rest. Take care Lannette.
*hugs* Thanks Len. I'm having trouble mustering the will to eat dinner, although I KNOW I need to. I'm not going to do ok tomorrow if I don't focus on keeping healthy today.
It is a real setback to me to know I still have such food issues. I can't overeat, so I undereat. Either way, I'm still reacting badly and not making taking care of myself a priority. I need to work on this. I think you can understand. I just wish I could get a reset on that "default" place I go to when stress happens.
2008-02-07 03:11 am (UTC)
Re: (((((BIGGGG HUGGG))))
I know exactly what you mean. I see this so often in my group. Just a FYI, I by no means am anywhere cured, last week was particularly destructive, wherein I binged like I used to...it snuck up on me, I was definately stressed out...and the way I dealt with it was to go to the default behaviour. Well I paid for it come weigh in time Monday morning, up 1.5 lbs. I absolutely abhore this disease...it is wicked!
I did get myself out, had 1/2 an order of california rolls and some edamame, so pretty good stuff for me to eat, the right calories and protein, and appropriate being that I'm visiting california this week. :)
I don't think there is a cure for this disease. There is only the disease being well managed. That's where we both are. Doing well managing it, but it never goes away. It helps to have friends who understand that what you see on the outside doesn't mean that you aren't still struggling with obesity.
I'm going to take a hot bath and hope that when I wake up this pain is a bit better! Have a great night.
p.s. You give me so much hope on my work on the emotional stuff. For me, that is the much harder part than forcing myself to do what works to keep my weight low. That's the part that keeps you healthy inside and out, and that is the challenge.
2008-02-07 03:15 am (UTC)
Re: (((((BIGGGG HUGGG))))
You also are a wonderful source of inspiration and empathy for me. I have come to view you as a very dear, thoughtful friend. Please take care of yourself Lanette, you are much too valuable to humanity than you might know...you put out a wonderful karma and positive energy--which the world is in dire need.
Thank you! That is a thoughtful and very meaningful compliment and I appreciate it. Thank you also for being willing to share when you aren't perfect. It's so easy to get down and feel like you are the only person who struggles and doesn't always make it. Really, it's those people who keep working on it and never give up who can keep this managed. You take care of yourself too, and thanks for the support tonight.
You poor thing! I feel so bad for you! It is even harder knowing that you are so close, I want to go mother you and help you, and I can't!!!
God girl, I will be praying hard for you!!
I'm sorry you're in pain, and missing your support... it's good to know he'll be there when you're both at home together.
2008-02-07 05:59 pm (UTC)
Oh sweetie... :(
I am so mad at your pain. I want to make it into an entity so I can kick it's ass with my third level ninjitsu skills.
I know it's hard to stop and take care of yourself when there's so much going on around you. I'm guilty of this myself right now with all the crap at work. But Tim and Jamie remind me that I need to spend time with them, and to take care of myself too.
Try to take care of you, even if it's just some small stuff. Exhaustion does not lead to good learning in training either. Know what I mean?
Hope tomorrow is a better spoon day for you. I read that article and it explained a lot for me, thanks for posting it.