Hopefully (to give yourself some peace), your brain changes when you have a kid. I used to live alone, and was the type of person who had all the labels facing the same direction in the cabinets. Now, if I only vacuum once a week, I use my psychic I-Can't-See-The-Crumbs goggles. All I have to do is think, "it's more important to be with my kid than do
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Hopefully (to give yourself some peace), your brain changes when you have a kid. I used to live alone, and was the type of person who had all the labels facing the same direction in the cabinets. Now, if I only vacuum once a week, I use my psychic I-Can't-See-The-Crumbs goggles. All I have to do is think, "it's more important to be with my kid than do <compulsive job/cleaning task> right now. Children grow up, dirt and tasks are always with us. Shockingly, this works. YMMV.
I was very happy when I had help. Craig and I have agreed that in January we are having some housecleaning help on a bi-weekly basis. With both of us working more than full time and a 3 hour daily commute, there isn't enough time for us to take care of this huge house.
That is a great solution, and one I employed in the past, in a house with a kid.
why did you buy such a big house?
Return on investment in the area. It's a smarter move for the money.
"Children grow up, dirt and tasks are always with us."
This is a good quote!
Oh yeah! I did take care of a child, but not a baby or toddler. I like "kids" and "babies", but I think toddlers and teenagers are jerks. I'm unsure how I will avoid killing them during those times.
Really? I just caught mine taking naked pictures of herself and sending them to a boy. Do you REALLY think they have great moments?? *sigh*
In Jr. High I was a total jerk. I stole my Dad's truck for a joyride, got drunk, ect. When I was 16 I had a 26 year old tattooed boyfriend.
I really did turn out ok, but I feel bad for my poor mother.
I was drinking at age 12. and stopped by the time I was 14... my niece was doing the same and stopped at 14, too. But I would NEVER have taken naked pics of myself and put them online!! UGH!
I married a guy who was homeless (living with a buddy rent free) and made minimum wage when I was barely 18 (moved in with him at 16 and supported his lazy ass..) Youdathunk the whole "HOMELESS" thing would have been a clue, huh?? *sigh* SOOO glad I divorced him at 21. (After he promised to gouge out my eyes with a spoon and keep them in a jar. Awww... so sweet.)
you know what stopped that crap at my house? I refused to take her to school (or let her find a ride) when she missed the bus. 3 days of unexcused absences, and she's out the door on time EVERY morning now. :) Of course, this morning her alarm was still going off at 6:55 and the bus comes at 7, but she made it.
She's probably tired from her late night photographic activities. *sigh*
Toddlers aren't bad, once you figure out that they're just trying to be independent. Frustrating, definitely, espcially when you want them to, oh, wear matching clothes... or put on gloves instead of shorts when its snowing outside... or eat! so you can be somewhere on time. hehe!
Teenagers are all turds in my opinion. :)
You and I, I fear, are very much alike when it comes to this stuff. Well, I have a 16 year old, an 8 year old, and a 3 year old (and one on the way). Here is how I cope:
1) Weekly maid service (PRICELESS!) Finding the right maid is the hard part.
2) I've taught my kids to be as OCD about cleaning as I am. My 8 year old can clean his room better than I can, and his clothes are ALWAYS put away in the right drawers (socks go there, underwear go there, shirts go there, etc.) His books are lined up neatly (he's working on alphabetizing them) and he dusts his own baseboards. Without having taught him this skill, I likely would have killed them or myself years ago!
3) My soup labels still all face the same direction in my pantry, and each veggie is organized in its own group (corn, peas, green beans, etc.)
4) At 7pm each night we have "clean up" time, where EVERYONE in the house has to pick up their stuff and put it away. Mom and dad are responsible for their stuff too!
5) Somedays, I just have to say "it'll have to wait until tomorrow!" and we go out somewhere. Museums in DC are free, so that helps. :)
Its not easy, and I have a REALLY hard time relaxing and enjoying life. But, we still play with playdoh, and we still use markers (dry erase markers on the windows are lots of fun!), and we still make huge messes. We especially enjoy cooking together. I just had to teach my kids (for my own sanity!) how to clean up! They love to help rinse dishes for the dishwasher and are good at putting away the silverware.
As for being behind in tasks, that's probably why I've been so unhappy/angry/frustrated/overwhelmed myself lately. Just too much on my plate. You know what? Eventually I'll catch up. It does get a LITTLE easier after you have kids, but it'll always be there with you...
Added bonus of #5
above: no one is in the house to dirty it when we're all out having fun!!
I really need to feel supported in getting these tasks done, but they don't seem important to anyone but me.
I think that weekly housecleaning would be a good idea, but Craig thinks we should do it ourselves, so bi-weekly is a good compromise I think.
my husband and I went back and forth on this for YEARS.
I finally just gave him an ultimatum: either lets get a maid, or you're doing it all the way *I* want it done. That and I was on bedrest for 6 months and he couldn't keep up with the house did it for him. LOL!!
We haven't had a maid since we moved last year, but its getting to be SOOO time for a maid. Once I have this baby, the maid is back on! We're tying to conserve $$ because my short term disability will only pay 50% of my salary, and that's 3 months without it... painful.
We're new friends so i'll give detail. I have 4 children and a husband. He is just like a child, leaving things for me to take care of for him. The childrens ages: 12, 3, 2 and 6 months. I am a total list maker. If it's not on a list, i'll forget or it'll be playing in my head until I get it done. I'll check off things like a mad woman daily. I'm always multitasking, I'm never just doing "one thing". I'm awake (or a version of awake) at 6:30 daily and don't go to bed till around 12 or 12:30, getting up with the youngest twice a night still. The husband gets up with the 2 and 3 year old if needed, not very often. I haven't had a baby sitter in 3 years. I'm always with the children, my shadows, helpers, mini cleaners, good picker upers ... You get used to a certain state of mind I guess you could call it. You learn pretty quickly that not everything HAS to be done by a certain time. You learn you can fold those clothes later, wipe down the counters after they've gone to bed, clean the bathroom fast before you shower and make yourself get the most out of the time alloted for sleep as possible. Not to add any stress on you or anything, lol! :P
I have 4 children and a husband. He is just like a child, leaving things for me to take care of for him. See, this is a big fear of mine. How do you get past that resentment? Do you find this to cause a lack of respect towards him? I start to feel bitter about it and it's hard. If the workload is so unfair, how can you stay positive about the man?
I think it would be easier having kids make a mess than adults, because with kids, at least they have an excuse, being kids and all. I also wonder, how in the heck do we raise our boys so that future women won't hate and disrepect them for their lack of equality for taking responsibility for half of household tasks?
2007-12-12 04:17 am (UTC)
Re: *chimeing in*
Sometimes I blow up, but only after I've sat on my anger/resentment for a while. I've found that If I write out a chore chart for him, detailing what I want done and by when, it'll get done. He actually does it. But if I tell him to do something, he'll get on the computer and forget. He'll walk right passed what I asked him to pick up 10 times if I don't have it written down. Sometimes it's ridiculous. Younger kids, yes, you have to pick up after them. Older, they forget too. It happens. I don't like it. All the grunt work, housework, outside, things that are obvious to me is done by me. I pick and choose my arguments and we never go to bed angry at each other, we work it out before, and we always go to bed at the same time. My oldest son sees that I do everything and knows my complaints, yet he forgets to do things also. But he's 12 and into that brain damaged age when boys forget everything unless harped on 10 times. I have no golden advice. I wish I did. But getting someone to clean up and help you out will do a few things for you. Lessen your stress and work load and maybe get him to either help out so that you don't have to pay for it or make him respect you a bit more, knowing it all falls on you and this is the crap you have to do. Try posting your To Do list in his view
2007-12-12 03:34 pm (UTC)
Re: *chimeing in*
not sure how it happend but my son is a neat guy, picks up after himself and had a good clue about the workload share in life. And he is cute! wow I am great! LOL
But on a more serious note, MOST men do not have a clue.. they have to be TOLD. I will never understand it, but I have come to accept it. I would love this to not be true, my life would be easier if my mates would just see what I see and pick up the dirty clothes on the floor and not step over them 15 times.. I digress.. Mike will work like a crazy man IF I write it down or he does. If not, then the clothes lay there..till I pick them up.
I just think it is how they are wired.
Isn't he wonderful? *sighs dreamily* I sure love that man.
It was seriously the best present ever! Please tell him a big THANK YOU from both of us. It really made my whole week.
Heh. I told him what you said about it and he said, "Yeah, well, she has to say that, what's she going to say, your present sucked?" And he told me he forgot to tell you that you can change the color of your hydranges (sp?) by messing with the acidity of the soil. They can be pink, purple, or white, but it's really hard to make them white. He also told me there was lots of other stuff that needed to be done but you'd need a truck to haul away the garbage.