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Growing Up [Oct. 19th, 2007|10:52 am]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

One of the strangest things in this process of losing weight is realizing some things about my personality.

Top Contributors to my emotional eating:
1. Impulsiveness
2. Victim attitude

The above combination is very dangerous. It is also a common theme with people who struggle with any addiction. These are the traits of a Jr. High kid, not those of an adult. I've been working my butt off on these things internally inside my head. If I think about most of the unhappiness I've encountered in life, the 2 above things are the largest contributor by far. If I am to change my life for the better, I must continue to work on those 2 issues above all else. In the absence of those two things, I'm left with passion, compassion, impatience, intelligence, and above average empathy. I would be proud to be me with less of the two listed traits. That is a strong, imperfect, adult woman.

The absence of a victim attitude means that I'm speaking up constructively when I'm unhappy and taking action. Even if that action is accepting something. I'm dealing with problems and not sweeping them under the rug. I'm working so hard at not being passive aggressive, but I still have work to do on this. I gossip sometimes instead of confronting the person directly.

Impulsiveness isn't the same as being unplanned. It's doing things on instinct alone without pause, without thinking, and without considering the long term impacts. If you struggle with anything you are abusing, be it a substance, food, whatever, you can't go on instinct on that matter. You have to go with your mind, not your heart and body. Your body may want what is bad for it. It may be screaming out in pain constantly (as mine is).

At this moment in life I am happier than I've ever been. Lots of that is due to Craig. He brings so much joy and hope into my life. Part of that is hope and pride. Not pride in the weight loss, but pride in the internal progress that is happening. I am learning. I am becoming smarter and a better person, and that is what makes life full, not the external stuff.

[User Picture]From: shonao
2007-10-19 06:07 pm (UTC)
Honey, Craig is actually only a small part in reality, because had you not done so much self-growth internally, you wouldn't have been able to let him in like you have.

While he is wonderful, take your credit there, too. He's wonderful,but you let him be wonderful, insted of shutting him down or shutting him out.

I LOVE this post. And I LOVE the fact that you can appreicate your won growth and even RECOGNIZE it!!! Which is where most people have difficulty.

*doing inside happy-dance*
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-19 08:43 pm (UTC)
That is so true. I never would have given Craig a chance before this year because he isn't "My Type" and his style isn't "cool enough". I am so glad to have him. I can't believe I would have blocked my own happiness so much.

All size aside, if the only thing I got out of surgery was having less of a victim attitude, that would be worth it.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2007-10-19 08:29 pm (UTC)
Self examination--not a lot of fun. Seeing you examine yourself impels me to do the same. Why am I heavy? Because I like the way food tastes and don't think there's any reason I shouldn't enjoy myself. After all, it hasn't caused any problems thus far and isn't hurting anyone else. Sure, it would be nice to be thinner and look better, but I don't find that to be more important that how good things taste. Obviously, because if I did I'd be thinner. It's not difficult for me to deny myself something here and there, but the everyday struggle...I just don't choose to continue to make the difficult choices. And I can't figure out how to make myself care enough to make the right choices.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-19 08:48 pm (UTC)
Self examination is pretty natural for me. Why do you need to figure out how to care? If you don't care, why not just be around people who love and support you for who you are? You seem comfortable with yourself and so far your weight isn't impacting your health and you are beautiful and your husband is happy with your marriage.

I was having health problems so badly I felt it was very important to change. I also was quite uncomfortable with myself at my top weight. It limited so many things that I felt I could do that were important to me. I don't think that is the case for everyone.

Also, my reasons had more to do with emotional eating than with food tasting good. Healthy food tastes good too, especially cooking at home. I love the food I eat that is healthy.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2007-10-19 11:06 pm (UTC)
You're totally right. Healthy food DOES taste good, especially when prepared at home But that's so much more work than going to a restaurant, what with the cooking and doing the dishes. Plus it costs more to get healthy food rather than junk.
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[User Picture]From: specsafety
2007-10-20 12:04 am (UTC)


The minute my addiction took over...I stopped developing emotionally. I would put my emotional age now at 20 even though I am a 40 something. I noticed when the weight came off and I started working my 12-step food recovery program...I started my emotional clock again. It was so hilarious, I started boogie-boarding, flying my rc airplanes and dating like I wanted to as a teenager--a 16 year old. I like what you wrote Lannette...this can be a very exciting time emotionally! I is great to be free from the grip of this monsterous disease.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-20 12:53 am (UTC)

Re: Exactly!

My emotional eating has so much to do with the past and my relationships with men. I had a traumatic event happen at 13, when I first became obese and it seemed like some parts of my personality never made it past 13 until recently. I'm just starting to get more practice at taking responsibility for myself and to be able to see when I'm acting like a victim.
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[User Picture]From: puppie
2007-10-20 02:07 am (UTC)
Dude. It's like you're inside my head.
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