||[Oct. 19th, 2007|10:52 am]
One of the strangest things in this process of losing weight is realizing some things about my personality.
Top Contributors to my emotional eating:
2. Victim attitude
The above combination is very dangerous. It is also a common theme with people who struggle with any addiction. These are the traits of a Jr. High kid, not those of an adult. I've been working my butt off on these things internally inside my head. If I think about most of the unhappiness I've encountered in life, the 2 above things are the largest contributor by far. If I am to change my life for the better, I must continue to work on those 2 issues above all else. In the absence of those two things, I'm left with passion, compassion, impatience, intelligence, and above average empathy. I would be proud to be me with less of the two listed traits. That is a strong, imperfect, adult woman.
The absence of a victim attitude means that I'm speaking up constructively when I'm unhappy and taking action. Even if that action is accepting something. I'm dealing with problems and not sweeping them under the rug. I'm working so hard at not being passive aggressive, but I still have work to do on this. I gossip sometimes instead of confronting the person directly.
Impulsiveness isn't the same as being unplanned. It's doing things on instinct alone without pause, without thinking, and without considering the long term impacts. If you struggle with anything you are abusing, be it a substance, food, whatever, you can't go on instinct on that matter. You have to go with your mind, not your heart and body. Your body may want what is bad for it. It may be screaming out in pain constantly (as mine is).
At this moment in life I am happier than I've ever been. Lots of that is due to Craig. He brings so much joy and hope into my life. Part of that is hope and pride. Not pride in the weight loss, but pride in the internal progress that is happening. I am learning. I am becoming smarter and a better person, and that is what makes life full, not the external stuff.