Redhead Rantings

I'm an alien-a humor alien

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 20:20:58 GMT

Because I thought Juno was boring. I hated Rushmore. Couldn't make it through Fargo without falling asleep. I think all scary movies suck.

Yet, The Pink Panther with Steve Martin which everyone hated makes me nearly pee my pants with laughter and it would never be possible for me to see Planes, Trains, and Automobiles too many times. My favorite movie of all time (right now) is Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers because it is visual bliss.

I think my sense of humor has become a dinosaur.

Surgery Part Dull

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:52:33 GMT

Jungle Booty-Get Down Stay Day
I've been ordered due to "operation save a crotch" that I'm not to leave home. In addition, I'm allowed up only for the purpose of peeing, and if they could outsource that to an assistant I wouldn't be up at all! When I do stand up I get to stroll to premises for a full 10 minutes of excitement. In fact, in a bizarre scenario tomorrow Craig is to watch me shower making sure I don't pass out at the site of my new Franenbody I guess, or it could be a blood pressure thing. He is then to get out a blow dryer and blow me. I kid you not. You can't make instructions like this up. They asked, "Do you have any questions?" I was tempted to ask, "Now, after we sacrifice the chickens, do we unplug the hairblow dryer before or after we begin on the goats?

Pie. mmmmm pie.
To woo me into eating, my mother left the most scrumptious rhubarb pie known to man. Get here early if you want any prayer of getting some of it. Even the cats are eyeing it with wanton desire. I've been told not to buy any clothes since the cute stuff gonzy sent me are already too big now. :( I'm shrinking as the swelling goes down, despite pie. Who knows where it will even out.

Send no clothes, She be shrinking
My Mom told me she isn't buying me any freaking flowers because my cat's a nimrod who eats plants and that it would be her honor to buy me a pair if jeans that fits once I'm freed to go shopping! Yay jeans. Even the size 8's are big now. Need wee pants that crack me up. My own clothes look like they belong to children at this point. I think I could get used to being size 10, but stuff smaller than that makes me look around my house and wonder where is my small asian exchange student hiding, and did I forget to feed them dinner?

Also, here's a quick surgeon review.
1. Actual results-11 out of 10. This guys is freaking talent on wheels. I've seen before/after picks of about 800 post WLS patients with the lower body lift and mine is in the top 2% in my opinion for how good it looks.
2. Bedside manner-8 out of 10. Too serious for my liking, but at least kind and never a jerk.
3. Nursing staff-9 out of 10. Overbooked, but well qualified.
4. Receptionist-AWESOME, friendly, on point.
5. Office-A little fancy for my blood, but I understand why.
6. Finances-More expensive than I expected and more than the competition
, but worth every penny for the result. I think the fee for using a credit card is stupid and this lowered my impression of the office. I understand a small fee, but why a percentage? Maybe if the website explained it it would have helped me understand.
7. Medication-2 out of 10. This was a HUGE area of concern for me for so many reasons. I feel that the pain control the first 3 days was inadequate for the procedure I had and I regret not having stayed in an inpatient place. The first few days of my surgery were more painful than even when I had viral menningitis and was on the morphine drip due to it. I feel like they should have thrown the strongest stuff they had at the pain for the first 2 days and that the combination was not effective enough for the level of pain I was in. I've the Doctor and the Nurses about 87 times about my tolerance to pain meds, how many I need, and still they are Ebeneezer Scrooge sometimes. I know that they want to give me the lowest effective dose and I know that the intentions are great, but they also did a pretty major operation on me. I mean, yes, they DO prescribe normal stuff, but I expect them to take care of this so I can heal until my surgery is all done healing as comfortably as is reasonably and safely possible. Instead I get a 3 day supply and pay co-pays and stress about running out. It's pointless. I don't know if it's the US gov. or them, but I give them a "needs improvement" in this area. For example, I told them I had NO vicoden left on a Thursday appointment at 1pm. They suggested 30 to tide me over until Monday at 1pm. Ummm. I woke up TWICE during the night and had to take more to get back to sleep and in order to be at all comfortable I must take 2 of them. Let's do the math here. That's 6 pills for Thursday. Considering I wake up every time they run out and we have a need of 12 pills for each 24 hour period because they DO NOT ever last 6 hours. I've had a bypass ok? It ain't lasting any 6 hours, we're lucky if we get 4 hours of out it. So, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday all day means 36 pills. Well then, what about Monday until I can get it filled at noon? Let's add n 6 pills there. Grand total of 48 pills with NO extra buffer ever. Thus, this is what I ask for. What do they call in? 40 pills. WTF? Are those 8 pills somehow going to make the world come to an end? Am I supposed to just dose myself with some valium I have left over and hope it makes me pass out so I don't know I'm in pain? Do you prefer me chewing up the inside of my cheeks and waking up in tears with no pills to keep an even number? I won't even get started more on this rant, but I'm sending this to the doctor's office and ALSO a thank you card because they deserve both. Both are valid feedback. I'm not asking for one dang thing I don't need. I didn't ask for more Percocet because I'm making it ok on the lighter meds right now. I'm not asking because it's fun. I'm asking because I need it to sleep, heal, and not be in tears from the pain, that's all. Besides that, I have a LOG of every time I took what pill at my house. I'll bring that and the left over pills to every appointment if they just will trust me and not nickle and dime me until I'm healed up. It won't be too long until I'm healed from this surgery and ok, but until then I don't need to added stress of being afraid of running out of pills all the time. Yes, I know this whole thing sounds like a whiny baby pee pants rant but I am so freaking tired of this problem in the whole US health care system. Educate yourself. All doctors who read medical studies beyond the early 90's and who believe in real science rather than the news media and the stupid "War on Drugs" could do something useful rather than getting in the way of those of us who need and deserve adequate and appropriate pain control from getting it.

If you want to know some of the top ways to to piss me off, here's a start.
1. Insinuate that I'm stupid because of how I look and that anyone who's ever had an emotion is irrational.
2. Tell me that it must be "fun" to take the pills I have to take. You Fing kidding me? I will kill you.
3. Tell me I'm "looking great" when I'm grimacing or crying from pain.
4. Tell me I'm "moody" or "don't seem happy". Let me set your leg on fire and see how happy and unmoody you seem.
5. "Well, you don't look sick. It can't be that bad. Suck it up."
6. You should see a therapist. (Umm I do thanks. In fact, was evaluated by 2 of them who wrote letters to my primary physician stating that my pain was not adequately controlled and I had NONE of the signs of hypocondria).
7. Stop being so selfish. It's all in your head. Just have a baby and you won't have so much time to worry about your own silly problems.

My Baby

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 06:11:48 GMT

Open Season on Visitors

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:13:44 GMT

If you want to come say hi, please feel free. I get tired, but like to watch a movie or play a game or chat.

I can walk for 10 minutes at a time about.

I'm in less pain but I don't think I'll be able to do outings live even

This is gonna sound weird, but if you have any coloring books, glitter, beads, or are willing to do my hair and maekup it would help. Would anyone help me wash my hair in the sink? Would anyone want to paint my fingernails?

I"m tired, but starting to get lonetly too. need more hugs. PLus I'll show you my awesome scars if you want to see them

The surgeon did a great job, but my one regret is thta I didn't insist on keeping in the IV drus and being monitored overnight rather than taking a tool on my own Mom's help.

My sister, Mom, and all of my friends have been awesome bringing me food and spoiling me. Last night I even got to sleep in my own bed for part of the night!

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:42:41 GMT

Want to color. I know it doesn't so fun but I have the stuff to make too some silly.

ANy This kindess you guys are showing me means alot. Andys to Bel for the note AND Angela dad Joson for tejgret oorucked. Her little outfit is so adrable I could juss qeeze it.
Thank nfor the plant from Lan and Sheile and hte purpose posted plant for tjmmmmmmea. Can wtjwo g.

ANyhow, Just staying thank yu foe thiking of ne najef

Guess what the day brought today?

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 03:57:41 GMT

I made the top list for 2008 fund raisers for MS Society. My most sincere thanks to those who helped us make this list.

One bit of exciting news. While they can't help her balance, new research means they MIGHT have a change to fix my sister's double vision. You have no idea what a miracle that will be for our family because while many people do great without vision, in her case with the balance issues it makes her very prone to injury. There is no PROMISE, but for the first time in 5 years there is hope.

For my Mom who went the whole night feeling me pills every time the I woke up in agonizing pain and I eternally grateful.

I give this surgery so far an F---- would not buy again. Could be partly because my stomach muscles Had to be restitched together. I must admit that my fear of how badly it would hurt was NOT unfounded, It feels like a barbed wire girdle.

It looks good, so hopefully this is my last post of this pain. In my opinion, If I could pick between 5 back to back lap RNY surgeries verse one of these exended lower body lift. Major freaking OUCH. My point is, even if you save the money and do the research. Anyhow I hope surgery gets better.

My MOM was freakijafa, specially if
So, big thanks to Brandon and Amy, who sweetly came to visit. Also, Craig and my Mom who spoiled me. To Angela H and Jason who come to visit with a beatutiful,sweet and positive attitudel and they brought me tortalini and sauce to help me get in some calories

They swelling hasn't even kind of gone down yes and I'm in my post plastic's goal range, so trying to keep eating. They took off 13lbs of skin from my stomach alone.

I want to say stuff but I get s tired.

Things are looking up!

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:00:48 GMT

I the course of one day, I can not do the following!

1. Slowly stand up without help from my recliner and sit back down (It's easier if a person is there to help and it doesn't even have to be a strong person, just someone who can hold steady as I used them for balance.

2. I got the mail. I can only walk for 5-10 minutes so far, but I'm supposed to work up to 30 minutes. The problem is the pain is quite intense. Most doctors do NOT give the LBL first because it hurts so bad that people want come back after.

3. I can take care of my own drains!

4. When I woke up this morning I was capable of asking for my medication while wasn't in tears for the first time ever.

I am the tiniest freaking thing you have ever seen. It hurts too much to show a photo, but the surgeon himself said he was beyond appreciative that I released my photos (headless) for the website and his surgery portfolio, because I'm one of the most dramatic. Not because where I started from was so problematic, but because the "after" factor of the plastics he is very proud of and is one of the most dramatic transformations in his portfolio, and post weight loss body contouring is his specialty Right now I can't see it as I'm wrapped up like a mummy.

Amy was in my dream last night. She was riding a brown horse with a black mane thorough a path in a forsest with her hair flow around behind her and generally having a blast.

I generally feel best mid morning, and worst in the evening. I think I'll be readu for short visits and movie (not to mention small slurpees) as soon as this afternoon or tomorrow. I look like hell, but OH well. Next week I want to try a wild sushi date.On surgery day I only ate a cup of chicken soup.

Until swelling goes down there is no way to know how much I'll weigh but according to my doc it looks around 135lbs so far. Arms and chest shouldn't take off more than a few.

I'd like the watch The Little Mermaid. I have it over her. Even when I'm sick I still miss having kids in my life. Is that silly or what?

Also, I wan t make easy sprkly ornamer s for chrisrms
Anyhow, the well, neermind I just fell asleep wring thisl js Thenks for z

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:38:21 GMT

Oh Dear God. Worst pain ever. No company should plan to visit even for 5 minutes.

I don't understand how people can survive this when it isn't medically needed. YEOWch.

If I had this to do again I would insist that I spend the first night in the hopsital.

Thank you for all of your sweetness and well wishes and I"ll hopefully be back online in 3-5 days. This is the worst pain I've ever had.

Despite me having lost 8lbs since the surgery was scheduled, they still removed and donated 13lbs of skin from stage 1. If you think you know surgery pain, I'd select 5 back to back rny surgeries to this one.

Enough whining. I live. I have good health. It wil be healing. I can stand up for a few minutes so far.

Argh

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:03:47 GMT

UPDATE: I called them and they said to take a valium before bed tonight. I also asked them WHY no hospital overnight stay. They said it's for many reasons, first being tough love. Yes it hurts, but they have NEVER lost a patient or had any blood clots and they believe this is why. This is also why they have a way better than average rate of infection and diseases because you aren't around all of the ill people as those who go to the hospital. I know there is a good reason, me just be scared.

My eyebrow won't stop twitching. It did this all day yesterday too. I think it's pre-surgery jitters gone wild.

Any ideas how to stop it? It's like my eyeball is a bad flickering florescent light. I want to botox that eyebrow into submission.

Bye Bye Tramp Stamp

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:19:26 GMT

So hard that tomorrow I'll only have half this tattoo left!

Probable Diagnosis

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:05:27 GMT

UPDATE: The xrays did NOT agree. Now I have some kind of "spine moblity problem with nerve disfunction" but without a name. Argh!

New information has come to light considering my nerve function and chronic pain problem. It's not yet confirmed, but very probable that I have servere spinal spondylolisthesis in addition to my confirmed endometriosis. In fact, it was so extreme that they had to do the test 3 times because when the doctors met to discuss my case they couldn't believe that was the true shape of my spine. It's extremely exciting to be on the verge of proper treatment. It is NOT fatal and can be treated.

I could be much better soon, but it will take a few years. Now, no more somethingosis. I've got my fair share now!

More Medical Whinin' Zzzz

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:37:41 GMT

Dear Doctors,

It is no skin off of your nose to provide me with adequate pain management. It's the difference between me living my life and feeling hopeless and isolated from everyone and everything I love.

Please stop being so stingy. The pain is agonizing. I just need SOME more room between me and the pain so that I can make it. I know you are trying to help, but you need to try harder. Please? I'm trying as hard as I possibly can and I'm still beyond a tolerable pain level. I know you are afraid of complications and long term tolerance, but COME ON, I'm not making it here. You should be worried about me keeping my job, my relationships, my friendships and some quality of life also. This is what the medication is available for. Those who NEED it. There is proof that my nerve isn't functioning. The evidence isn't in question as to why I need it. I need it because my nerve is agonizingly compromised! My nerve is freaking out and now so am I.

Painfully yours,
Lanette

p.s. I can haz mor drugz?

Mindless Splurge and If Bel Were Here

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:54:29 GMT

If Bel Were Here I could just taste the crumbly buttery biscuits and smell how good her cooking is. The whole house is warm and full when she's here.

She'd say, "Hi Ash! Come here you old cranky lady." and promptly be drooled on by a geriatric old cat who loves her.

I'd tell her that I want her to do a cover of The Winds of Change by The Scorpions but acoustic and she'd tell me I'm "such a dork".

She'd say, "Guess where I was last night?" I'd sarcastically reply, "Umm under a 23 year old?" Then she'd tell me she got asked out by a midget and thought about seeing if she could find a circus train nearby to make an interesting story to tell.

And she'd put on hilarious socks and be pissed when Midnight tried to destroy them. Then we'd wake up and go to breakfast. She'd hug me and it would be the most comfortable blackberry vanilla scented hug a friend could have, crazy big hair stuck in my lipgloss or not.

She and Amy would race to tell me I have lipstick on my teeth (again).

Most of all, if Bel were here I'd have the rest of my heart in one place and be about half as anxious as I am now. I knew I'd miss her, I just didn't think I'd still be waking up wondering why she isn't going to show up at my door today.

Since she left I feel more isolated from everything.

In happier thoughts, I bought a "Sally Hansen Comfort Glaze" in "Chocolate Berry". I can say it's a $6 well spent to add a new lipgloss to the collection. This is not the color. The color I got is a shiny berry color. I love it! Also, I went to the Mongolian Grill near my home and it was clean and had water chestnuts, baby corn, and bamboo shoots. I got lots of good meat and veggies. For those of my friends who try to eat healthy, I'd suggest this place. Trying not to be sad, but when I first woke up today I just felt so isolated and I missed her. I woke up dreaming of her cooking.

Major Phost-Hair and Lipstick and Handbags and Rainbows

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:14:49 GMT

As you can see, I'm growing my bangs (and hair) out.

Haven't gotten my hair done in over 8 weeks. You can see where the highlights end and my natural color of red.

This is the new Lancome' lipstick in "Edgy"

Co-workers got me this mobile for a prize. I love it. Even though I'm straight.

See, straight but not narrow. It's a prize for my WU Graduation, ya know, the blossoming, all that.

This is the messenger bag I got.

More of the hair. Thinking about going a few more highlights or something.

It's getting longer in back.

I keep my drugs in here.

So, should I cancel my haircut, let it keep growing, or have my hair done for $100 the NIGHT before surgery even though I can't shower for 14 days and won't leave the house for weeks? I'm thinking just let it grow and stay uncolored and save the cash until I'm healed up.

Just another reason I love Craig

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:41:14 GMT

When I have a bad day, he sends me The Best Mullets in Sports . Not just any mullets, but the best of all time!

The thing I miss the most about internet dating is my collection of Mullet photos people would send me.

Just like a prize

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:31:10 GMT

Today I woke up in less pain. I can put on my jeans without wincing. I can even pick things up off the floor. Still don't have my flexibility back.

I need to stop travelling, even by car, until my spine cooperates more. Sorry to all far away peoples who I love, feel free to stop by, but I'm not able to come visit for now.

Also--New lipstick!! I shall phost it soon.

I'm still at work

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 03:46:18 GMT

I've now been working for 13 straight hours. I am not pleased.

Grrr. Oh well, they DO pay me almost enough to put up with this sh*t. This is why 40% of all women ages 35 to 40 drop out of the software industry all together.

Unified Theroy of Lols

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:25:25 GMT

http://blip.tv/file/949469

My work friend has kitties

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:46:36 GMT

They are so cute I can barely stand it!

Check this out

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:09:38 GMT

Acrobat.com article is published now, so I can talk about it sorta. Check out the free beta and you may see why I'm super excited about this. The "ConnectNow" part is so awesome that you have to use it a bit to understand why. It's the first thing since PDF I've thought was a very innovative and awesome thing we made. Yes, there are other products that do similar things, but not as easily, not for free, and not with so many features.

The beta still has lots of bugs, but I love when I get to work on the ConnectNow stuff. It rules.

Also, I purchased this in hope that it will make me more comfortable and help my pain. Craig is also researching the hot tubs that are on sale to see if we can get one. I think it would be nice to be able to get into one on a bad pain day and especially since I'm starting Physical Therapy before too long.

Women Unlimited Memory Box

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:26:57 GMT

We made a little paper box and on the outside we wrote reminders from Women Unlimited on every edge. Here is what mine says:

1. Fear is an excuse, not a reason.
2. Appearance matters. Be mature and credible.
3. Convey your competence and confidence.
4. Communicate for the listener. What's in it for them?
5. If you aren't hearing "No" you aren't asking enough. No means no for now.
6. PNQSQ Conference Abstract Accepted!

I gave mine a little twist. I put in my business card with edits on the inside and taped it closed. On the back I wrote the difference I want to make. Just wanted to share.

I feel somewhat better!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:48:02 GMT

I can lift my right leg without wanting to cry. Granted, I took more pain meds than I'm supposed to today, but even being able to breathe without it hurting is a huge improvement. I hope this trend continues. I could be down to pain level 7 soon if it keeps getting better.

Craig and I even went out for dinner, and while he had to drive me home because the pain was kinda bad, we ate out in public! I find the small improvements encouraging.

Dating for Fat Chicks

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:19:30 GMT

Flame away. I'm already tired and in raging pain, so I don't care. Also regardless of size, I've never dated when NOT being considered a "fat chick" to some extent. Also, being a skeenier beotch is scary for internet dating. Too many responses. Too scary. It's not all better being smaller. Some of the same annoyances happen, so don't feel special like you are treated like dirt ONLY because of weight. Some guys feel anyone over 115lbs is fat.

1. Post a current FULL LENGTH picture. I mean it. Don't do the My Space angle and then expect good results when you show up in person. I expect pictures taken within the last year at many angles in both more dressed up and casual clothes.

2. Take your profile and remove 50% of the words. Replace them with photos. Sorry, straight guys don't read that much and they need a picture book much like a comic. Remember, they generally aren't as smart or deep as you want and if they could pretend they were well enough most likely they wouldn't still be single.

3. Set an age range. If you won't consider someone under or over an age, state that. Why waste his time.

4. Let the guy contact you. It is your job to attract guys and pick one to date, not to stalk guys. This makes them generally feel less manly and be less attracted to you. I know this is old fashioned, but try it.

5. If you are on a free site, expect jobless and married guys to contact you. If you want to get serious, try eharmony.com, otherwise, expect 90% to be trying to hook up with you.

6. Do not put out outside the confines of a committed relationship unless you are ok with the results which could include being a friends with benefits, and the guy dating and doing other people too. You can say this is old fashioned, but if you try it both ways, you'll see what I mean.

7. You can't be pissed that guys are guys and not come across as a bitter hag. Just as you are pissed that they are shallow, some other guy is pissed that you are only dating guys over 5'10" who have a certain income level and education.

8. Try a balding guy. They are good in the sack! Seriously. Part of balding is the extra testosterone. Did ya know that? Well, try it. I'm glad to get Craig some hair plugs if he wants it, but he can keep that extra testosterone. Throw a hat on him and go get it girl! Never forget that good sex is important to us all. Otherwise, just be friends.

9. If you are looking for a love relationship, don't accept less. That means being willing to be single.

10. Date multiple guys at once until you find the right one. It helps you keep perspective.

11. Stop with all of the contact. Each time you want to reach out, realize that about half of that is nice. The rest is scary to guys.

12. Skirts are good. Cleavage is good. In moderation. If you show up looking like a booty call, you'll be treated like one.

13. Are you just looking for attention, or a relationship? It's easier to get attention. If you just want to wake up to fun email and conversation, post the sexiest photos you can and ask provocative questions. This will work great. Remember, you can't out sexy everyone. There is ALWAYS someone younger, thinner, hotter. Expect to put in more effort looking if you want more though.

14. "Just Friends" is silly. You don't need guys for that. Stop telling the guy you don't find attractive that you can be friends. Nut up, tell him you aren't interested and be done with it.

15. No reason to make out again if he was a bad kisser. It doesn't get better the second time. ;)

The Slippery Slope

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:20:37 GMT

If you are using the "slippery slope" argument, that's the easiest way to determine that you are:
1. Wrong.
2. Motivated by fear and not logic.

Do not ever try to use this tactic on me and expect me to be swayed or impressed. You know what else?

It's hard for me to have much sympathy for how busy you are considering I just worked a 50 hour week in 3.5 days and am at pain level 9. Dear Craig, please send ninjas.

I wish I had the day off and the slippery slope would lead that to happen. Alas I do not.

Putting it out there-Help needed

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 05:58:06 GMT

I need to borrow a recliner chair for 2 weeks. It can be ugly as sin. I need a recliner to sleep in after my surgery.

I also could use to talk to anyone who's used short term disability insurance. I'm soon going to need it.

I'm home and in raging pain. Today was a 9 and I am having trouble just walking and usually I'm so flexible I can touch my foot to my forehead. Today I can't even raise it 1/3rd that high. Ok well, I'm home and off to bed.