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Lanette

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Selfish [Jan. 12th, 2010|02:50 pm]
Lanette
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

If you are tempted to call someone else selfish I urge you to instead go over all of your journal entries and think to yourself, what percentage of these are about only how I feel?

Was thinking about this today as I was going off again about how I feel and realizing that is still my default despite efforts to think about other things more. It's really hard to ignore though, but I'll try.

I understand that journals are for getting out your own feelings, but I get tired of people being so negative about others and not even seeing their own flaws. I don't miss that part of LJ, but I miss the funny stuff so I came by to share this with you!

Now, something about people in glass houses throwing stones. Please note who should throw stones. :)


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Comments:
[User Picture]From: matrixx
2010-01-12 11:00 pm (UTC)
Ayn Rand would have a word or three thousand to say about that. I fully embrace my selfishness!
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-12 11:03 pm (UTC)
Good for you! However I don't see you disparaging others for it or saying that you are selfless and generous while others care only for how they feel. Keep on keeping on! You seem to really enjoy your life far more than most people.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2010-01-12 11:09 pm (UTC)
Eh, if I bring other people down they would be far less likely to show me their boobs or feed me booze. Ain't no prizes in life for personal sacrifice. Leonard Cohen said, "Live life with neither regret nor self-congratulation." I'm working on the latter, but A-OK otherwise. I understand that different people function on different levels for different rewards, but, as much as I like attention, I would rather get it for positive things than negative. I prefer to celebrate acheivement rather than hardship. But to each her own.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-12 11:15 pm (UTC)
I'm not here to rain on any parades, in fact I try my best to bring an umbrella and march on with a smile whenever possible if needed. Something as simple as a book can fill me with delight.

I don't see you tearing other people apart or being cruel, but maybe I'm filtered out of your crazed people hating? ;) You never know.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2010-01-12 11:18 pm (UTC)
Nope. I don't hate anyone. It's farrrrrrr too much work. I've got one life, and I'd rather use it to build things than break them. Also, I rarely filter, but on the rare occasion I do, you're in on it. :-P
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-12 11:40 pm (UTC)
I confused my best friend by saying "I do not know how to get beyond the "how do I feel?" default. I want a default of "What is the next right action for me?" but it is hard." All I mean is that this job transition thing, layoff, whatever, it's kicking my emotional butt, if I had an emotional butt. Ok, who am I kidding my emotions are ALL butt right now. Anyhow, I want to just get beyond it and continue doing the next right thing because whining ain't gonna help a thing. It's just time, effort, growth that is going to make it better and I'm doing all I can. So, my point is a less selfish mindset is what I want for a default.

That said, I'm aware of my own natural selfish viewpoint and I do try to get out of it and look around once in awhile.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2010-01-12 11:43 pm (UTC)
You're fully allowed to look out for number one in my opinion. The problem is more when one's selfishness detracts from other people that if becomes a problem. Generosity is inherently selfish, but that doesn't make it less worthwhile. If you take care of your needs first, it will put you in a better position to care for the needs of others.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2010-01-13 05:40 pm (UTC)
In reading this thread, it sounds like you and I hold many beliefs in common. I love the Cohen quote, and I also think that I have a problem with over-self-congratulation (is that grammatically correct? Probably not, but it's what seems to work, correct or not.) I must remind myself, being happy does NOT make you better, just happier.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2010-01-13 05:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I struggle with boundless happiness, which is ridiculous, of course, but I'm happy about it, so what can you do? But even with over-self-congratulation, when I celebrate my own achievements, I try to do it in an inclusive manner so that other people can cheer with me. I would hate for what I accomplish to make anyone feel that they have failed to do something else. It's a fine line, but I hope to err on the side of letting the people in my life know that my achievements and satisfaction are only possible because of the support and encouragement they provide.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2010-01-13 09:30 pm (UTC)
That is an excellent attitude to have. Isn't being happy wonderful? I wish that everyone was as happy, there would be MUCH fewer wars if more people were happy.
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[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2010-01-12 11:20 pm (UTC)
I feel free to be selfish on my journal, so I do not take it out on people in real life. As you said, that's what journals are for. I am, however, well aware of the lack of selflessness on my own part.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-12 11:25 pm (UTC)
We are all born selfish for a reason. It's for survival. I mean we are born to scream if hungry, thirsty, in pain! It's something we surely all have to some extent.

And our own experience is often the most compelling thing we have to write about. It's often said to write about what you know! It gets tiresome to read about how everyone else is so awful all the time.

I try really hard to sometimes think beyond just what I think or feel. Sometimes with more success than others. Just I've had this topic on my mind and also wanted to share this video because hopefully laughter will ensue. :)
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[User Picture]From: stephanieanne
2010-01-12 11:21 pm (UTC)
I *did* enjoy that :)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-12 11:26 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm glad. Remember, when trapped in a glass house, throw a stone. :)
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[User Picture]From: christabel
2010-01-12 11:50 pm (UTC)
<3
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[User Picture]From: sarmonster
2010-01-13 09:19 am (UTC)
The person I thought this was meant for isn't on your friends list. Damn. Now that I think of it I would've been a little surprised if they HAD been, but...

Selfishness is expected, even when we do something nice for someone, it's often to help us feel better about ourselves.

But hypocrisy as far as it's concerned makes me want to slap a bitch. I've noticed the things that one hates most about themselves show up in accusations about others.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2010-01-13 03:34 pm (UTC)
You know, this isn't meant for any one person. We all have moments of being frustrated by this aspect of human nature. The only problem is, it is easy to see in others but not as easy to see in ourselves.
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[User Picture]From: oh_foxyroxy
2010-01-13 05:43 pm (UTC)
People in glass houses are the only ones who should throw stones! LOL.
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[User Picture]From: pattinthehatt
2010-01-13 09:57 pm (UTC)
Well I still miss you!!! Although I still also completely understand, respect, and support your need to back off a little when you have so much going on.

It always strikes me as so odd when people blame everything on others. I am so the opposite. I almost always presume things are my fault in some way, and end up obsessing a little on the role i played and what I should have done differently and is there any way I can fix it.
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