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Lanette

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Sympathy [May. 23rd, 2009|09:54 am]
Lanette
My heartfelt sympathy goes out to thesugarmonster and if you can spare some practical help or even just some kindness in this tough time for her family I know it would be appreciated. Yesterday her father took his own life.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: ever_abstract
2009-05-23 05:08 pm (UTC)
Time heals. My dad did the same thing 12 years ago.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-05-23 05:13 pm (UTC)
Her mother is disabled and they are unable to afford even the low cost cremation expenses. I just hope they can find the help to get through this enough to move on. If you know of any resources that might help as a person who's been through this I know it would be appreciated.
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[User Picture]From: pattinthehatt
2009-05-23 09:11 pm (UTC)
Has anyone set up a means to make donations? I don't know what I would have done without the help I got when Kim died. We had been in such desperate circumstances for so very long that there was no money. I couldn't offer them much, but I could make a small donation. I think a basic cremation here is around a thousand dollars. If that's the case for them I would hope that if enough people step up it could help.

ETA: Duh me. You're off for your lovely weekend! I clicked on her name and found that they do have a donation thing set up. I don't know her, but I sent a little, because I do have an inkling of where she is. Thanks for alerting me to this.

Edited at 2009-05-24 12:20 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-05-25 09:24 pm (UTC)
It was a great romantic weekend! Yes, she did set up for donations and I hope has at least gotten help enough to deal with the remains. It's so ghoulish and awful and sad to be the only person able, and also be the one going through the things and doing all of the cleanup after a violent and messy suicide of someone you love. Most people will never know what that is like, luckily, but for those among us who do it's impossible to ignore and look the other way I think.
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[User Picture]From: pattinthehatt
2009-05-26 01:24 am (UTC)
I am so lucky that I've never had to deal with what she has/is. I did come home and find a piece of my heart not breathing, and when she body was really gone and I came home from the hospital there was all the debris from the emt guys. Nothing they did wrong, of course, just everything pushed aside so they could work, and all the little papers and plastics and such torn away in haste as they worked on her. Obviously nobody stays to pick that stuff up. But there was a very minimum of body fluids to deal with.

I also had the comfort of knowing it was an accident. I've never doubted it for even a second, and there is a lot to support my faith in that.

So, in my own way, I had it easy. But I know that, and I can appreciate it for the cold comfort it is. And I can imagine, as much as anyone who hasn't been there can, how much worse it would be to be in her shoes.

And you're right, to also suddenly be looking at the financial horror... it's truly unimaginable. I don't think most people ever think of it until it's on top of them. Certainly Kim and I had no reason to!

I was pleased to see the clean up was being handled, to some degree. and I saw what you did, finding her the cremation information. That was incredibly kind.

I'm glad you had such a lovely weekend. You deserve it!
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[User Picture]From: gfrancie
2009-05-23 08:01 pm (UTC)
I saw this page and if you scroll down under FAQ it mentions that you can find financial assistance via a few gov't institutions.
In particular via Social Security.
Found via another website
If the deceased earned sufficient wages during his or her lifetime, a surviving spouse or dependent child may receive a lump-sum death benefit of $255. In addition, survivors may receive all or part of the Social Security benefits that would have gone to the deceased.
Further info is available from Social Security at 1-800-772-1213. Social Security Administration's web site at www.ssa.gov.
Some states also provide financial assistance. Apparently most counties have rules about providing cremation at the very least if the family is unable to pay for this.
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[User Picture]From: gfrancie
2009-05-23 08:02 pm (UTC)
This may sound ghoulish, but you can also donate a body to science. Here is a website that discusses it</a> You donate to science and then the remains are cremated and returned to the family. It is free and can be useful.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-05-25 09:22 pm (UTC)
I read that but suicide and violent deaths mean that you can not, unfortunately. I looked into that first hoping I could offer her "free" knowing how tough things are and how much it was going to set them back financially when now they have to find some way to move which isn't easy with how disabled her Mom is.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-05-25 09:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'll pass on this info.
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