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Lanette

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Simple Things [Jan. 13th, 2009|09:50 am]
Lanette
[Current Mood |rejectedrejected]

Last night Craig made dinner. It was tacos and I loved it. Today I just finished a breakfast I LOVED. It was an orange.

Simple is good. Some things happening in life are complicated, but everything good that is happening is so simple. What it takes to make a relationship good is complicated, but love itself is simple.

I was dumped by another online male "friend". Actually, come to think of it, Tony dumped me as a real friend back in 2003 or 2004. Why bother to pretend to be online friends? I had nothing but kindness and good comments for him. Unrequited attention and friendship. There was never anything besides plain friendship, so why is that problematic enough to get rid of? Perhaps it didn't even require thought nor was it even "problematic", just not worth maintaining. The same way so many male friends just leave, straight and gay, I'm a menace to mankind, but a boon to womankind. Well, the answer is I don't know, but I believe I'm the most unattractive friend possible to most males. Why don't men like me? I mean, mostly they like me as in they would hump me, but none want to be my friend. I am broken. I am no friend of dudes. I try to make myself strong enough that it doesn't matter, but still it does. I've thought of asking for feedback. Why am I not good enough to even be an online friend? But that would just make me more pathetic and ultimately I know that it doesn't matter. You know, back then I thought it was simply because I was fat. The truth is, my fatness had nothing to do with it. Now there is no "reason" to hide behind. It isn't that I'm too fat, or that I'm not cool enough. It's because I'm too Lanette. That's the simple truth. Not everyone is going to like you or want to be your friend. Grow a thicker skin, grow up, grow a pair of nuts and STOP caring so much. The truth is, it's always been a hos before bros policy because the women in my life contribute the joy. Contribute the effort. Want to be here. And the few males that have been my friend over the years really are unique individuals and appreciated.

I'll simply enjoy my Orange. Enjoy the friends I have, nearly all female, and go about my day. I'll look for a nice book from the library and be HERE now.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: tulleandtiaras
2009-01-13 06:03 pm (UTC)
Interesting... I find I am just the opposite. I have a lot of male friends and very few female friends. This has always been the case with me. For the most part, I have a hard time playing well with other women.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 06:05 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think I talk too much and am too complicated for most guys. Plus, I'm super emotional. I bet it's tiring.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2009-01-13 06:06 pm (UTC)
Hehe, I have lots of great female friends... and they're the ones who aren't on hormonal birth control! I've always sided with the guys, too, but now that I'm all old and married (not to mention SURROUNDED by boys) I'm closer to my girlfriends than ever.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 06:12 pm (UTC)
I'm on hormonal birth control, but I have to be because of stupid Endometriosis. Le Sigh. No one said I was that emotionally stable before taking it though. Personally, I don't consider having emotions to be an "emotional problem" though. I guess that's another reason the dudes react me like like a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers.
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2009-01-13 06:17 pm (UTC)
lol It made me CRAZY. I tried all sorts of different things and ranged from weepy to violent, and from talking to my friends it sounds like I wasn't alone. But even if it DID make you crazy, better that than suffering endo. I had a coworker who had it and she was constantly miserable. :-\
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2009-01-13 06:05 pm (UTC)
I've thought of asking for feedback.

lol I think that's exactly the reason. In my experience, men don't like things they have to think about too much. ESPECIALLY if what they're thinking about is emotional.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 06:05 pm (UTC)
Exactly!

I just have to keep in mind that isn't ALL men. There are some deeper than a mud puddle and those are the few I'd like to find and keep as friends anyhow.

Edited at 2009-01-13 06:06 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: matrixx
2009-01-13 06:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's a good point! Married men make better friends, too, because they've already been trained to have a proper conversation and not look at your boobs the whole time.
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[User Picture]From: sehrnett
2009-01-13 07:48 pm (UTC)

Men can be complicated.

I have a lot of close friends, male and female. There is often an undercurrent of sexual attraction for me with both genders, even tho' I consider myself straight. I'm just built that way.

I stay friends with male exes who are worth it. The guy I am friends with AND interested in at the moment and I go back and forth because his definition of friendship crosses my boundaries. If I talk too much about a guy, he frets that I like him more than him which is boyfriend behavior. It drives me slightly crazy but I dig him, so I accept it.

I find that there are certain rules I must follow with guy friends to keep them. The biggest one is to tacitly acknowledge attraction but we don't act on it, unless you both agree to change the relationship. To me, that means no super affectionate behavior because that can only come from lovers for me. I cannot merely cuddle with a friend.

I totally get the being "too much" of yourself. I attract people like moths to a flame. Seriously. Men tell me that all the time. They get close and then realize I really am more intense than I seem and I seem pretty damn intense.

I think I would rather be as I am and have them go, then to have to check myself. I've done that far too often in my life.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 07:52 pm (UTC)

Re: Men can be complicated.

Yeah, well, what can I say? I try to be a good friend and if that isn't enough, there isn't anything else I can do. I wish it didn't hurt and make me feel like one of the "untouchables" in the Hindu culture though.
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[User Picture]From: sehrnett
2009-01-13 10:31 pm (UTC)

But it hurts with either gender, right?

In some ways more than others but I think our ego gets very wrapped up in friendship too.

It's so hard when someone doesn't want us in their lives anymore but I know I have made that choice about friends and I'm sure they were hurt by it.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 10:36 pm (UTC)

Re: But it hurts with either gender, right?

You know, the fact is when he didn't want to be real life friends back in 04 I should have just taken a hint and not pretended to be online friends at all.

The two times since I ran into him in person I just should have given the nod like "Yep" and that's it.

Honestly, we don't have too much in common, besides, I'm headed in a different direction. I understand people who enjoy being "shocking" and "artistic", but I prefer people who are pleasant and like me.

I'm a likable gal. I'll come into my own. Just not overnight, ya know?
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[User Picture]From: sehrnett
2009-01-14 05:53 pm (UTC)

Yeah, we do block out the hints.

I sent a friend request to someone I used to be tight with on Facebook and have not been friended back.

I'm miffed but she did end the friendship, so I should respect that.

And sometimes we outgrow people and sometimes they outgrow us. Still hurts though.
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[User Picture]From: carryaway
2009-01-13 07:58 pm (UTC)
Women and men weren't meant to be friends. I can explain my point later. It's too much to type sedated.

That's so cool that Craig made dinner. I love oranges!!!! They are on sale super cheap at Safeway, but I'm afraid to buy much.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 08:01 pm (UTC)
I'll have to buy some Oranges. I think I like them even more because I'm getting over a cold. I forget my love of fruit sometimes.
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From: el_corn_grande
2009-01-13 09:00 pm (UTC)
Are you counting those gummi oranges as fruit? Shame on you Lanette.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-13 09:01 pm (UTC)
;) No sweetie, I ate a real Orange. *spank spank*

Thanks for the dinner last night.
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[User Picture]From: firebirdi
2009-01-14 04:50 pm (UTC)
...not all of your male friends have abandoned you. I don't have a lot of time for idle chatter, but I'd still go a long way to help you (or any recovering Creamer, it seems) if you needed me. :)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-14 04:51 pm (UTC)
You are a really rare and special guy. You don't run away at the first sign of difficulty or the first non-sports discussion. Unfortunately, there aren't alot of guys like you out there who are willing to be a true friend over the years. That's part of what makes you unique.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2009-01-20 07:51 pm (UTC)
Whenever I'm a man, I decide not to be friends with you 'cause you won't DO me! That's really the deal with all men. *grins*

Well, can you blame them, hot mama?
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2009-01-20 07:59 pm (UTC)
Naw, that isn't it. I really have some sexist attitudes and some anger problems that I need to work through in order to be a better friend myself, and I know it. While it isn't all on me, it takes 2 sides to have a friendship and I know I can improve on my side.
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