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Oh Jeeze-Ok pain day turns evil? - Redhead Rantings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lanette

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Oh Jeeze-Ok pain day turns evil? [Sep. 11th, 2008|06:01 pm]
Lanette
[Current Mood |morosemorose]


I was ok until about 1pm when my back went crazy and started cramping all the way from spine to halfway down my thigh. I went home instead of hanging out with dove and when climbing the stairs to get a muscle relaxer I nearly fell UP them. I tried to lift my right leg and I didn't lift it all the way to the top of the stairs because my body COULD not. I slowed down and focused on one leg at a time and was able to move it, although it hurt my back to do so. Argh. So frustrated. I don't know what caused it to flare, but I'll tell the physical therapy doc on Monday. We tried new exercises yesterday that we pretty hard and could have overdone it.

Anyhow, I feel old, sad, and broken. Why, at 34, can I not see my friends on a week night. I hate being an unreliable friend. It also makes me feel like I couldn't be a parent because right now I couldn't.

Trying to keep my chin up because things ARE getting better, so I need to just realize it's a BAD day and not to freak out. We all have some bad days and some good.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: carryaway
2008-09-12 01:24 am (UTC)
*hugs*
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-09-12 02:21 am (UTC)
*hugs*
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[User Picture]From: prairieflower
2008-09-12 01:29 am (UTC)
*big hugs*

You sound like you're in the right mindset. Just remember that one bad pain day isn't necessarily a setback.

*more hugs*

I hope you feel better after some rest.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-09-12 02:22 am (UTC)
You are right. I hope by tomorrow at least the stabbing pain is better. The aching I can handle, but the stabbing/cramping makes it so hard to think! *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: dove
2008-09-12 01:57 am (UTC)
*hugs you tight* For what it's worth, you are the most reliable friend I have ever had. I love you.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-09-12 02:22 am (UTC)
I love you too! Thank you for understanding. I hated having to cancel. :( *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: dove
2008-09-12 02:58 am (UTC)
We'll make it happen another time soon.
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[User Picture]From: graphxgirl
2008-09-12 04:42 pm (UTC)
...It also makes me feel like I couldn't be a parent because right now I couldn't...

you are sooooo hard on yourself. you need to give yourself a break dearie!

no, you can't be a parent right now. you have to focus on healing yourself. i think you should stop thinking about it (actively I mean, there is no way to control the subliminal thinking and the fact you want to be a parent).

look at it like a meditation of mindfulness. every time the "i want to be a mom, have a baby, etc.." thoughts come up - just gently nudge them away with a few deep breaths, and focus on something else.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-09-12 04:46 pm (UTC)
I did stop thinking about it for awhile, but as soon as I start to feel better it gets my hopes up and I can't help it. I start to think about it more because it seems so possible.

And I have to remember things ARE getting better. Having a flare up doesn't mean that Physical Therapy isn't working. It IS working, just maybe not as fast as I want, and it isn't a steady straight line of improvement because I have to test the limits of what my body can handle and build up my strength. We really pushed it this week in exercising, and as a result I had a pain flare up and got very nauseated and lost a few lbs too. IT means we need to go a bit slower, not that we are on the wrong path. Thanks for the reminder.
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[User Picture]From: dkstwin
2008-09-12 04:51 pm (UTC)
It's the yoga. My back has been giving me fits since Wednesday after my last yoga class. So, I think the yoga gods heard us bitching and are paying us back with bad back karma. Granted, my pain is nowhere in the scale of yours but, yeah, I didn't even hurt this bad on check in day at the apartments when I climbed to the third floor at least 20 times.

I will say this though, pain aside, my range of motion in my neck is better than it has been in years.
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