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Stop interfering with my Phost! Day 13 post surgery - Redhead Rantings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lanette

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Stop interfering with my Phost! Day 13 post surgery [Jul. 8th, 2008|02:16 pm]
Lanette

Apparently getting up from the couch this morning wasn't allowed as I heard "Pop" "Pop" and felt a bad pain. I called the surgeon, Dr. Fauxlaugh from the Eastside as we've all come to know and love him. The man who CAN give you the most expensive designer tummy that will make you sort of wish you were dead because it hurts, but it looks so damn good you want to wear a bikini at the funeral so at least his good work won't go to waste. Can I get that spray paint in Oompa Loompa orange so I look like a celeb? Thanks sweetie darlin babe.

Anyhow, for me, as previously discussed, operation "Pee straight" was a stellar success and I could now hit a keyhole at 20 paces I have such the designer pee power from the "Extended Lower Body Lift with Fluer De Lis Incision" which in human terms means (butcher woman like fish-reassemble in horrific proceedure that looks like horror movie). It is a true delight. Well, besides peeing, my daily activities include daily 10 minute walks. "Garment" enjoyment. Incision blowdrying, and now a new activity called "Help Officer, I believe I've just broken my buttock?" Well, I showed up 40 minutes later and the asked why I was driving. I explained that if they were any stingier with the painkillers I'd be able to pass the bar exam and do a brain surgery while I was there. They looked me over, admired me, weighed and praised my wee self, and told me that I didn't actually break a vital stitch. They put in extras because I'm such a major PiA(tient).

They did say however that the directions of 1-2 per hour means to TAKE THEM and stay down. No more of this anxious cabin fever oh I need up and down 40 times a day and me freaking out about refills. They said 30 IS a standard refill. To call them when I start to run out and that's how it works and NO they did not write a bible of post surgical torture just for me. Now would I realize I've had a surgery serious enough to be rated 9 out of 10 and that they don't even DO in some countries and stay down and heal already and they will see me Monday. Oh. And don't go to work. So now I'm actually ON 2 pain pills so I can't drive but I can't spell either or figure out the bills. Or go to work. But I feel more compliant about staying down.

So, that's my day so far. You?

Also, for those keeping track at home, our heroin wore a brown and blue minidress will "beige" garment hanging out the bottom complete with black mary janes, no shower, and insane hair to her outing today as they told me to arrive immediately. Nothing goes with a swanky marble office like something like a mismatched mugshot walking in the door. Can I get a breathmint? Want to see my leghair?

Still bored. I can't remember the last time I hadn't shaved my legs in 13 days. Who has red leg hair? Appraently me. It's really strange since I never see it. I am like a strawberrry blonde and peach sasquatch. It's awesome. I should take hippy pictures. I'm bored bored bored. Who let Tyra Banks have a TV show? She is out of her mind. I think even female Merecats could kick her butt.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dkstwin
2008-07-08 09:56 pm (UTC)
I've heard rumors about Tyra Banks having a show but don't believe anyone would let her talk on camera....tell me I'm right...please?

So, if I ever managed to have enough money to have a LBL I'm going to ask them if they have a drug induced coma option for healing. That way I'll sleep through all the nastiness.
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[User Picture]From: novemberstorms
2008-07-08 10:12 pm (UTC)

Operation Pee-Straight

Did I miss something? Did you have girl junk modified?

When I had my surgery I ouldn't wipe my own ass for a week or so. I am in shock how you are zipping around. I couldn'y stand straight for weeks.

PLEASE stay down and heal. I wish only the best for you, which means a healthy swanky body!!!!

XXXOOO's
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-07-09 12:36 am (UTC)

Re: Operation Pee-Straight

Ma'am I had a Lower Body Lift plus Vertical Incision (of 15 inches). Ain't much of me that's been unmodified. I'm on hurting unit even on the drugs.

XXXXOOOs. :)
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[User Picture]From: shineyquarter
2008-07-08 11:10 pm (UTC)
I feel like I'm coming into the middle of something and I should know what is going on but don't really. I mean I have some idea, but anyway, this is mostly just a comment to let you know I added you cause G said you might want to talk to me.

Hope you continue to recover well from your surgery. How much longer are you confined?
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-07-09 12:32 am (UTC)
Let me give you the skinny! After 5 years of effort (part medically managed weight loss) and part weight loss surgery, 13 days ago I had a serious surgery called a "lower body lift". I did this because after losing now 182lbs from my highest weight at 5'7" I had major functional problems due to extra skin. It will be at least 4 weeks more for basic recovery.

I'm very glad to meet you and I very much wanted to talk to you about Creative Suite type stuff once I'm feeling better. I work on quality across all of the Creative Suites for Adobe.

And congrats on your upcoming marriage. As I told Gordon you must be quite an amazing lady to put up with his antics for so many years. Nice to meet you!
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[User Picture]From: verybadlady
2008-07-09 12:08 am (UTC)
You are seriously hilarious, medicated and un.
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[User Picture]From: anomalous_girl
2008-07-09 01:35 am (UTC)
Just wait til you start watching Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown, and then add on Jerry Springer for dessert!! Then you will truly know insanity!

I am glad that they aren't total asses at least. I am glad that they are being better to you. I am glad that you will have adequate pain management. I am not glad that you will have to be laying down more, however, if you keep talking like this, bring it on because it is most entertaining.
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[User Picture]From: crazyredhead888
2008-07-11 12:57 am (UTC)
I have red leg hair! I can't reach my legs very comfortably to shave anymore so I have basically given up. It's been almost a month and you can practically braid it, lol.
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