?

Log in

No account? Create an account
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly - Redhead Rantings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lanette

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly [Jun. 6th, 2008|08:07 am]
Lanette
The Good
While some people had no one supporting them, my boss flew in from Seattle, getting up at 4am to fly out, and then told me not only is he very proud of me but he can see a huge difference in the last 6 months in my performance and leadership on the job.

I have understanding, supportive, and loving friends. Thank you anomalous_girl and her wonderful family for hosting me, feeding me a good dinner, giving up her own bed, and getting me a ride to my graduation.

I have meetings today and then I fly home.

Craig's interview starts at 10am, and it goes most of the day if things go well. Sending out all my love, prayers, and positive thinking there. I have confidence in him. As if it were a sign, he made a huge coding milestone yesterday on the job, so he really has something to talk about.

I met a woman who offered me a ride to my hotel last night named Kathleen. She recently lost 50lbs and we got talking about some of the good and bad things about that. We talked about our friends and losing some, and how we unintentionally hurt some of them as well. We have the right to be proud and excited, but not the right to be insensitive and make our friends still struggling with it feel bad. We also don't need to "help" everyone who doesn't want our help. It annoys them. I'm going to invite her up to visit Seattle. I know there is a reason I ran into her yesterday when in so much pain. Wonderful people show up in my life at times I start to lose faith. It reminds me that people are good. I am good. I am not alone in this world.

The Bad
I am very sad. I realize I can't handle one of the things I love most. Business travel. I need help. I've been in tears. I've been unable to sleep and eat. I'm in so much pain I barely ate yesterday. I'm losing more weight and I'm pale and frail with hollow, haunted, red eyes. Please, God, help me be strong enough to not lose myself and those I love with these health problems. The pain is making me crazy. I have GOT to get more help. The pain is out of control.

I hate how expensive California is. I paid $20 for a cheeseburger last night and only managed to eat 1/4 the patty and that took me a full hour.

I've missed Craig so bad, but I'm hurting to such an extent that I worry I won't be there for him in mind by the time I get home.

The Ugly
My nose is red from crying so much.

I pulled a muscle in my shoulder hoisting my suitcase into an SUV of a friend.

My clothes are mostly dirty.

I've read every book I have, so the flight home will be dull.

A rhinestone fell out of my only pair of glasses that fit, and the frames are $300 and I can't afford to replace them right now. Is there a way to get rhinestones replaced?
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: matrixx
2008-06-06 03:45 pm (UTC)
You can probably find a matching rhinestone at a craft store and superglue it in. I'd try going back to the place I got the glasses and show them and see if they'll swap them out for a new pair. Most places are pretty good about that sort of thing if you give them a chance.

I hope you feel better and that the interview goes well!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 03:52 pm (UTC)
There is a JoAnns not too far from where I live. I'll check there. The glasses store is a bit far away, but I'll call them and ask. Thanks for the good ideas!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:08 pm (UTC)
:) I'm picky. If they don't look just how I like I won't wear them. These have lasted since 2003, so per year, not too expensive. ALso, I have a strange tiny face, so it easily gets overwhelmed by glasses. I need to try them on. If I can, I'm going to fix this pair as they are my favorite frames ever.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: specsafety
2008-06-06 03:57 pm (UTC)

I am so sad to hear all the pain you are in....

You are a wonderful person...it pains me so much to see good people in physical pain...I wish it would just go away for you
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:10 pm (UTC)

Re: I am so sad to hear all the pain you are in....

Thank you for your sweet thoughts. I don't really need it to go away, I will find a way to get it under control. I have to say that it helps to know that because of the pain getting so bad in Feb, it has made me appreciate and reach out more to my higher power than I previously needed to, so when this pain is better I hope to always keep that.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: maphia
2008-06-06 04:06 pm (UTC)
I second the idea of just gluing a new one in. I hope you can get the help you need for your pain.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:10 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty attached to these frames, so I'm going to give that a try.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 08:49 pm (UTC)
AC Moore/Michael's should sell rhinestones in a variety of sizes. Swarovski are the best - you'll be able to tell if the ones in your glasses are or aren't Swarovski when you hold them up to them.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 04:12 pm (UTC)
Owwww. Hope you're feeling better!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks! At least I'm not crying even though it's still really high.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 07:17 pm (UTC)
Not to sound flakey, but do you do meditation?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 08:34 pm (UTC)
Yes I do. In fact I've had training on meditation for pain control.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 08:48 pm (UTC)
That's fabulous. It's really important. I was wary of bringing it up for fear of you thinking I might be saying it's "all in your head." I got a bad reaction like that from someone else with chronic pain.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 08:59 pm (UTC)
I think in the future it will help if you explain to them that no matter what the pain is, it can help you reduce the natural panic that it causes, and the panic actually makes the pain worse, so that is why the meditation is helpful. Not because it can cure or fix the pain.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 09:14 pm (UTC)
Sigh... preachin' to the choir! ;)

Someday I'll have to sit down and type out the whole boring saga of trying to help a friend who won't help herself. There's only so much I could do before I just kind of... gave up.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 09:17 pm (UTC)
I get pretty frustrated with people who aren't doing all they can even though I understand how tiring it gets. I am open minded and always doing what I can to help myself when possible, and reach out for help when all I'm doing myself isn't working.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pollyhyper
2008-06-06 11:05 pm (UTC)
You should write a motivational book!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dove
2008-06-06 04:27 pm (UTC)
I am sending my love and soothing thoughts your way.

I am also going to nag you that if you can't eat, PLEASE make sure you try to get in at least 3 protein drinks per day. I know even smoothies fill you up, so even just the watery, shaker kind of drink is a good idea at this point, because you can drink it as easily as water. PLEASE consider upping those. I'm sure you're supposed to have, oh, at least 1000 calories per day? I don't know for sure... but I know you haven't been hitting that in a long time, and it's taking it's toll on you.

I AM sorry to be a nag, and I hope I'm not coming across wrong or hurting your feelings at all. I'm just scared for you. This not eating stuff is truly getting out of control.

And... I really sincerely hope that your doctor works with you more to get this pain situation under control!!! Holy crap, you need to be able to function, that's not too much to ask!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:05 pm (UTC)
Amy, I tried so hard yesterday. I looked around all the way here for anywhere I could possibly buy a smoothie. I tried to eat lunch and I threw it up. I"m so frustrated with it. At home I bought a bunch of berries and I have been way better about getting things in. I even planned in advance and brought protien bars, but I'm in so much pain that I really am struggling to not throw anything up. I want to assure you that it isn't lack of trying right now. I'm going to lunch in a few minutes and I am going to take a taxi to somewhere I can get a smoothie before I go to the airport.

Also, 1000 would be great, but I didn't even get in 600 yesterday!!! That is terrible and I know it's why I feel so weak. I'm going to aim for at least 800 today even though I know it isn't enough, it does me no good if I throw it up.
I'm really really worried too. I can't travel again until I have more help for the pain. This isn't safe and it isn't healthy. I'm feeling really sad about that right now.

Edited at 2008-06-06 07:06 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dove
2008-06-06 07:57 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight*

I am so sorry... I didn't realize you were throwing up. I thought it was that you felt full and disinterested in eating after two bites (cuz that's what I usually see). Throwing up is scarier. I am very worried, and I am very sorry it is not easier.

I know you're able to drink water and keep it down, so perhaps the boring liquid shaker drink is the only way to sneak them past the throwing-up scenario, rather than smoothies... but I am SO glad you're trying. I love you.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 08:35 pm (UTC)
It isn't an RNY problem, it's the pain is SO intense that I throw up from it. Isn't that lame? I did get in some cheesy shrimp and rice for lunch and ate a bit of frozen yogurt, so things are looking up today.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dove
2008-06-06 08:38 pm (UTC)
*shakes head sadly* That really sucks. :(

But I am glad today is a bit better.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: graphxgirl
2008-06-06 04:58 pm (UTC)
i'm so sorry you are in pain. a trip to the Dr. is in order immediately upon your return.

I'm curious about your comment about california. i lived there for 11 years, and did not find it any more expensive than the many other places/states i have lived in.

we were also just there a few weeks ago for almost a week and 1/2 and in san francisco for much of it, and prices were reasonable - and i think you would only pay $20 for a cheeseburger at a place like the Fairmont Hotel (or maybe the airport).

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 07:07 pm (UTC)
I was in too much pain to leave my hotel and it was a nice hotel. I looked for something cheaper, but was really limited because of pain. Couldn't stop crying or walk very well.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: random_girl
2008-06-06 07:39 pm (UTC)
Most places where you spend $300 on the glasses frames will repair them for you for cheap or free.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2008-06-06 08:36 pm (UTC)
I'll give them a call to see if they might do that. EVen 5 years later though?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: random_girl
2008-06-06 10:02 pm (UTC)
I have gone back to Lenscrafters and my eye doctors' respectively, and they've fixed for free.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)