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Lanette

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Whiny baby pee pants [Dec. 7th, 2007|10:55 am]
Lanette

I'm in the worst job and holiday related depression I can remember. It's impacting everything. Every day I wake up happy, and by the time I leave work at night I don't care about anything. Could it be sunlight related? I live in Seattle. I'm a bit quieter than usual because I like to follow the silver rule sometimes "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I don't believe in the golden rule as stated, but rather in the rewrite, "Treat others the way they want to be treated." (not in the way you want to be treated, they may not be the same).

I'm not hungry and am not eating enough and when I do it's all lower calorie (otherwise I feel sick). I'm hoping more exercise will help me feel hungry. I'm down to a measly 3lbs over minimum weight. This means I've now lost 167lbs total and 116lbs since March 2006. I'm trying to lift weights so I grow my butt and calves.

So depressed about clothes. I have no clothes that fit. Even my workout clothes are huge. I got blisters that bled due to my shoes being too big. I don't have time or money to replace these things before Christmas.

I'm overwhelmed with tasks. The decorations look pitiful in the front yard compared to all of the neighbors. I can't believe that our stupid neighbors all have thousands of dollars of holiday decorations. It makes mine look like Charlie Brown.

Crimeny I'm a DRAG today.

A few happy things, to add a dessert to the breakfast of warmed over crapola.

1. Yesterday on the treadmill I was able to walk at 3.7MPH and up to 4.0MPH in burst. The best I've ever done on a treadmill before even when I had a personal trainer was 3.2MPH and I couldn't even do that for long.

2. I get to go see the Golden Compass this weekend with Craig.

3. Midnight is still healthy and causing trouble.

4. I still love my team and my company even though I have bad job related depression at least the peril is condensed to one area.

5. Even though my clothes are too big and I'm depressed, I can smile and look like things are going ok. When I smile, I actually look kind of nice.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nadalia
2007-12-07 07:03 pm (UTC)
Everbody loves Charlie Brown. :)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-07 10:03 pm (UTC)
Charlie Brown is ok, but I love lucy ;)
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[User Picture]From: the_new_perfect
2007-12-07 07:04 pm (UTC)
I wish I could say something that would change the way you feel, but it sounds like that would take a change in work climate, and just a lifting of depression. I'm sorry you feel funky.

And the baby jesus probably loves your front yard.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-07 10:04 pm (UTC)
LOL at the comment about the baby jesus.

I should get a light up pink flamingo to complete my yard look. THAT will amuse my neighbors.
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[User Picture]From: gonzy317
2007-12-07 10:18 pm (UTC)
Oh, I saw some at walmart the other day that lit up and had santa hats on them! I almost got them. LOL!
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[User Picture]From: gonzy317
2007-12-07 10:18 pm (UTC)
Ha!! We used to drive around looking at lights and my dad would wait until he saw a house that was really over the top and comment, "Now THOSE people are going to go to heaven!!"

It took me until I was an 'adult' before I understood that remark, but now its my favorite.

Regardless of how many decorations one has, its the spirit of the holiday that counts.
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[User Picture]From: gfrancie
2007-12-07 07:05 pm (UTC)
Don't forget your hair.
Your hair is the envy of many people.
Including me.
Someday I am going to make you take me make up shopping so I can find a sexed up look.
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[User Picture]From: cerridwenskye
2007-12-07 10:01 pm (UTC)
it's so true I adore your hair! (this is directed to starrynytes4me
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-07 10:04 pm (UTC)
Awww thank you!
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-07 10:05 pm (UTC)
I am hoping you can escape and come to my house for a girly slumber party where we plan to drink wine and do makeup and hair on one another (hopefully not in that order or we will have some regrettable hair and makeup). Tentatively planned for Jan 5th.
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[User Picture]From: shonao
2007-12-07 08:23 pm (UTC)
*facepalm*
Those neighbors have had YEARS to amass the thusands of dollars in decorations! And I really doubt (save perhaps one or two of them) that any of them looked like they do now their first year in their house!

And N is right, everyone loves Charlie Brown. :)
My sister is going through the same thing this season...she's the Charlie Brown house, too. But this is the first year in the house.

And the best time to buy Christmas decorations is afte Christmas! When we put it up, we have a million dollar display...all for about $600 amassed over two Christmases... :) Totally awesome :)

The other things I'm not gonna chime-in on, I'll just give you a ((hug)) and remind you that you are healthy, you are here, you are obviosly loved by many peole, and you are TOTALLY allowed a crapola day! *smile*

(((HUGS)))
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-07 10:06 pm (UTC)
True, also, those neighbors don't have the added burden of having just paid a huge downpayment using most of the savings, then having a cat get very ill and both cars break down, so in light of all that has happened, we are lucky that we can pay our bills and have a tree and decorations at all!

I was thinking that after I get paid next week I could add a whole lot of life to the yard for about $30 worth of little lights from Walmart on the shrubs. Why not? I think it would be worth it. I can get better stuff on a steep sale after the holidays.
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[User Picture]From: shonao
2007-12-07 11:20 pm (UTC)
EXACTLY!!!! =)

So Charlie Brown or not, the fact that you have anything in the yard is FANTASTIC!!!
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[User Picture]From: gonzy317
2007-12-07 10:21 pm (UTC)
I won't comment on the other stuff, other than to say that you're beautiful and loved and I bet your charlie brown lights rock. :)

But, I have seasonal affective disorder and get bummed out every winter. I bought a "broad spectrum" lamp to sit on my desk (it has all the colors of light, just like sunlight) and I notice a SERIOUS improvement. They're expensive ($100+) but very worth it.
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[User Picture]From: kanderson321
2007-12-08 12:23 am (UTC)

SAD

Didn't you say last year that you thought you had SAD? It might be very worth your while to invest in a special light; or, do what used to work for me when I lived in Seattle: every morning, before I got in the shower, I'd sit under a heat lamp in the bathroom for 5 minutes. Did wonders for me.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-08 01:11 am (UTC)

Re: SAD

Craig has a small light like that. I will try it out later. Unfortunately, we have no heat lamp.
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From: new_shoes
2007-12-08 01:05 am (UTC)
One thing that helps me through times that seem impossible is to do one thing at a time. It's cliche, I know, but it helps me. It's easy to get overwhelmed.

And be easy on yourself. The holidays can really give you a beating.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-12-08 01:11 am (UTC)
I did make a list, and my boyfriend is doing some of it for me (luckily).
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