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An Update - Redhead Rantings [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lanette

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An Update [Oct. 21st, 2007|08:09 am]
Lanette
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

I had a blast at the costume party last night. There were kids. I painted up a self-portrait pumpkin, drank red wine, and won a hilarious prize of a wine glass which holds an entire bottle of wine. Please, do not let me actually use it and give the excuse that one glass of wine per day is healthy for women.

On a more serious note, we got the tests done on Midnight and his toxins were elevated. Neither number was normal, but neither was critical either. What this means is that his kidneys aren't working right. They aren't in chronic failure, but they aren't functioning properly either. We are putting him on a special prescription kidney support diet from the Vet (It's Science Diet, the only kind that they use). We will continue to get him tested. If he gets critically ill again we will get him IV fluids and we may have to inject fluids under his skin also. Craig and I talked about it, and while we are bummed, right now he is happy, even if we do have to shoot him up with fluids and feed him pills. Craig and I love the little guy and will do everything we can to give him a good life. Hopefully his kidneys will not decline into full chronic failure. We are doing what we can to make sure that doesn't happen, but it's more of a "wait and see" than a for sure yes or no. We wanted a clear answer that they wouldn't decline anymore and that they were normal now, but that isn't what happened. Midnight is 8 years old, so middle aged for a cat (as compared with Ashley). We hope there are many more good years in him yet.

In more cat news, our experiment in buying the Cat Genie was a total nightmare. Both cats hated the "washable crystals". They tracked all over the floor. Midnight just started pooping all over the livingroom, and to top that off, it was so bad at removing turds that the few times any cat happened to poop in it and then we would run the "self-cleaning cycle" it would miss any turds that weren't huge, then rinse them down with solution and steam dry them so our entire house smelled like crap warmed over (literally). I think it's safe to say as much as we desire freedom from cat urine smells and problems, the Cat Genie was not the answer. True, the house didn't smell at all of cat pee, but it did smell of warmed over crap.

And last but not least, you guys were right about the weight thing. I'm now down to under goal weight again. I need to not freak out when my body does it's normal thing. That is, if I'm in more pain I gain 3-4lbs overnight. Almost always that is during the week when I'm working, and it is especially bad at the end of the week. Then over the weekend things go back down to normal. I don't have a normal body and I most likely won't for awhile. I have a chronic auto immune disease and while I'm managing it, it still is going to impact my body. A weight range is healthy for me and I need to stop micromanaging the scale. Also, looking at a picture from last year at this time, I feel sad. I've only lost 32lbs this year, which is good, because I'm at goal, but you can really tell a difference. I think I looked better last year. I wonder if it is because I felt better about my body. I think I look more elegant now, but way cuter before. I miss my fuller cheeks and boobs. I feel my legs are too skinny now and my skin too empty. Maybe it's just the extra skin thing and once that is removed I'll feel better. I don't know. I guess I just expected to feel better and more accomplished than I do if I got to the much touted "goal weight". Really, I feel kind of naked and exposed.


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Comments:
[User Picture]From: graphxgrrl
2007-10-21 03:53 pm (UTC)
I swear by my Litter Robot. It's not the cheapest thing out there on the market, but it works, and they stand behind their product completely by giving you a fully refundable trial period and a nearly two year warranty.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-21 04:52 pm (UTC)
Cool! We are researching what we want to get, but I have to get my money back from the Cat Genie first. It was $300.
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[User Picture]From: nadalia
2007-10-21 08:21 pm (UTC)
You bought one? What happened? Is there a post I missed?
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[User Picture]From: nadalia
2007-10-21 08:25 pm (UTC)
I posted before I read. nevermind...
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[User Picture]From: tickly_girl
2007-10-21 04:13 pm (UTC)
If you liked your body better a little heavier, have you thought of putting a few back on? Or would the extra weight be too hard on your body with the pain issues? Caitie has pain issues as well, and I know weight makes hers worse, so I know that might not be a good option for you even if you do like the appearance of your body when it's a little more soft and curvacious. But you know *if* pain isn't an issue, then it might be worth a thought. I know I've seen a lot of WLS people post about getting to goal, and then feeling too thin and scrawny, and subsequently gaining a few back to get back to what was a happier (even if a little bigger) place with their body.

I have a few feelings in this arena myself really. When I'm at goal or below, sometimes I think my cheeks look a little too sallow. And I don't like how much my sternum protrudes. On the other hand, I still feel really hippy and bottom heavy, so this keeps me from seriously considering a higher goal weight. I'm hoping maybe I'll feel less pear like after all my plastics are done, but I guess we'll see in several months. If not, well, I guess I better get used to being a pear because I think if I got much smaller to get my bottom where I'd ideally like it, I'd be skeletal from the waist up. *shrugs* It's all better than being 500 pounds tho, so I'm not gonna complain too much. :)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-21 04:57 pm (UTC)
My weight doesn't really impact my pain. I have thought about adding an extra protein shake and getting a trainer to try to put on 10lbs or so of muscle. I might regain naturally, so I'm trying right now to maintain at my current weight until December. After that I'll reevaluate. Considering my extra skin, if I were to get plastics now, I'd end up a small size 8 and maybe a large size 6, which is a bit too small for me. I still identify myself as size 10, but honestly, the jeans that fit best are size 8 and my size L shirts are looking big. I need more size M shirts.

If I were to put on a bit more weight before plastics I think I'd end up in the proper BMI range and also would be more like a size 10, sometimes 12 which would be better for me.

I think the main thing I need to do is accept my body at this size, and I'll still be ok with it if I put 20% of my weight back on, which is considered a good result.
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[User Picture]From: tickly_girl
2007-10-21 06:23 pm (UTC)
Personally I'm a 14/16 bottom, and with tops, well, in my experience women's sizes there vary SOOO widely who the heck knows what I really am, but my best estimate is in the 12ish arena when you're talking cotton shirts without stretch. Now I generally prefer my shirts with stretchy fabric really, and my blouses there range from a size 2/4 to a 3x. Go freakin' figure. I suspect once the plastics are said and done I'll be a 12 on the bottom as well, which was my very first thought in terms of my "goal." I didn't know what they would look like scale wise on me, but I know it's the size I was hoping for. Just out of the plus sizes, and not too hard a size to find in stores generally. Some people are telling me they expect me in a 10 once plastics are done, but I doubt it. 3 sizes seems a bit extreme to me, and 16's are my best fit most often now. I can only get in 14's comfortably when I'm at or below goal, and honestly, I think I spend more time working my way back down to there over and over and over then I do actually there. *shrugs* As long as I'm not gaining in the long run though, I'm gonna try not to sweat it too much. But 10 seems unrealistic to me. I just don't have the hips for that. I mean I haven't been in a women's 10 since I was 11 years old, you know? Something tells me I'm not getting back to that size again. But I do think 2 sizes will go. In the breif periods of my life where I've had a weight where you could actually *SEE* my figure, I've always had an hour glass one in the past. So yeah, 12 top and bottom sounds right. I know for some people that would be really big, but for me, I'd have to get uncomfortably bony for my taste to get smaller than that I think.

But the whole idea of putting 20% of one's weight back on - OMG is that a terrifying thought for me!!! My brain frantically screams "NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!" just to think of it! I wanna stay at goal, perminantly. I'm absolutely petrified if I begin any lasting gain again, that it'll be the first step on the slower but sure road back to 500 pounds, and I NEVER wanna go back! I know a lot of heavier women can gain slowly - you know 5 pounds a year here and there - and it'll take them a good 5 years before they put on 25 or 30 pounds. And then they can diet for 6 months before they get sick of it, take it all off, and eat naturally again for another 5 years or so before the next diet beckons. But not me. I gain hand over fist if I'm not careful. The last 18 months before surgery I gained just over 100 pounds, and that was while on Meridea. Big Time Weight Gain is not hard for me to do at all. I need to stay on top of this or it wouldn't be hard for me to end up back at 500 pounds myself in a couple years, literally. Hell, it'd be easy, and that's some scary stuff there. Plus, you know for me putting back on 20% would mean a 66 pound gain. Even if I get down to the 150ish I'm hoping for post-plastics, that'd still have me well over 200 again, and 200 is a number I NEVER wanna see on the scale EVER again!

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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-21 06:30 pm (UTC)
Wow. That would be scary. The 20% is just 22lbs for me, so I'd still be in a healthy BMI range post plastics. It is my goal to never be in the "obese" category ever again and to never be over 200lbs again. That for me is what I consider a great result long term.
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[User Picture]From: stephanieanne
2007-10-21 06:55 pm (UTC)
I have always, always thought that you were amazingly beautiful at any weight.

I just popped over to the WLS forum, and a gal who was 265 is now 102- incredibly tiny- and that, I think, is an surprising side of WLS that people don't even consider- getting TOO small. She said she wants to get back up to 110...I just found it interesting because almost all of us overweight Americans think there is no such thing as too thin, but those who are getting thinner and healthier are struggling with identity and looks in just the same ways over different aspects of appearance.

And a side note- I was reading your friend's post about how the old eating habits and urges never go away after WLS and his struggles with over-eating and over-drinking, and it really made me sad that the first comment back to him said, "wow, you look great :)" It was like the person did not even *read* his heart-felt and sad post, just focused on the fact that he now looked the way we want people to look. Basically, that flippant comment read to me as, "It doesn't matter that you are still unhappy, frustrated and frightened to death of gaining it all back. You look thinner, and that is all you need!! Who cares about the inside now that you look great on the outside! You're thin now, so be happy!! "I don't know, it just made me really frustrated that people can skip over the emotional difficulties of WL and simply focus on the pictures. It made me unreasonably mad. Sorry for the rant.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-10-21 07:06 pm (UTC)
In my case, I didn't end up at this low of a weight due to WLS alone. I worked super hard for the last 32lbs because the "honeymoon" period was over. I set this goal with the doctor, so I thought that it would be a perfect weight. I also thought I would wear a size 12 as my goal, not size 8. Now that I've worked so hard on those last so many pounds, I think after I practice maintaining for these 3 months that I might try to put on a few more pounds. No one wants to hear that you are struggling with identity or body issues when you are smaller than they are. They think it is annoying and that you have no right to have any body issues.

The "you look great, you must feel so good" statement is how most people react.
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[User Picture]From: nadalia
2007-10-21 08:14 pm (UTC)
You can turn the wineglass into a pretty candle holder with decorative sand and a votive candle. :)
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[User Picture]From: dove
2007-10-22 10:56 am (UTC)
I am terrified. I used to hover easily between 203 and 206, and now I hover between 207 and 210. And you know what sucks? I'm actually payingmore attention to my eating and TRYING now. Which is the way I gained before I had surgery. Seems like the harder I tried, the more I'd gain. I just don't get it. And I can't afford to gain out of my clothes.

I have to figure something out.

BTW - I, too, think you are beautiful at any size. Funny how we're just never really satisfied, huh? I'm 135 lbs lighter but still obsessed...
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[User Picture]From: stephanieanne
2007-10-23 04:07 am (UTC)

Amy!

Hey lady! I miss you- I hope that life is treating you well :) You, too, were always beautiful :)
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[User Picture]From: dove
2007-10-23 03:31 pm (UTC)

Re: Amy!

Hi Steph! Thank you! We ought to plan a karaoke night with Lanette. It's been forever!
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