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Lanette

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In My Opinion,... [Feb. 28th, 2007|08:30 am]
Lanette
[Current Mood |opinionated]


Moral relativism, while it is easy to argue, doesn't really suit me. Neither does seeing everything in black and white. So here is some information about where I stand, and it is neither fully bendy or unbendable, but somewhere in the middle.

If you are a member of Show your [insert body part here] lj community, I'd rather us not be LJ friends. If you are here for porn, I'm not it, and I'm not interested. I have nothing against it, it just makes me feel kind of annoyed and nauseated, and is not what I use my computer for. I use mine for shopping, blogging, music, emails, sharing pictures, and research.

If you are in a poly relationship, then I accept your decisions as an adult, but don't expect me to be sympathetic and/or shocked when your relationships are filled with drama and fall apart, and most of all, don't waste your time trying to convince me that this is a "different but equal" lifestyle. Maybe in theory, but I've seen it in practice too much to believe that. It's your choice, and you get the results of it, not me. Hopefully you like those results. It makes me a rare target to speak out on my feelings about it online, as there is a rabid and vocal pro-poly online group, who while they insist anyone who doesn't agree with them is "narrow minded" is unable to tolerate anyone speaking out who believes otherwise. I didn't have anything to say about this until I saw it hurting people I care about, and now, screw it, I'll walk into traffic and share my feelings on it, because we all have a right to our opinion even if we don't agree.

If you think that all women should be Asian, then I'd rather you spend time at an Anime convention and not in my life. I think that all women should be themselves.

If you think that as an adult dating people under 18 is somehow "hot", then I hope you get caught legally.

If you are a man who thinks that anal sex is the holy grail, then I assume you have a very small wang and giggle at you.

If you think that love is important, then I want to hear all about it, even if it is expressed in a different way/form than what is natural to me.

The happiest place on earth is NOT Disneyland in my world. In not so many hours I'll be curled up with my boyfriend, hopefully not doing too much. I've never felt better or more relaxed, or more like me. I think I am the luckiest person to ever live to not just be with someone who "accepts me for who I am", but to be with someone who loves me and delights in who I am. He never rains on my parade, but he not only marches in it, but also seems to produce and umbrella when it does rain. So, I ask, what are those dreams that you never talk about? I don't just give my time, but I can't wait to. I do lots of things in life that must be done, but he is what I really want to do. Yes, I mean that both ways.

I post this with the full understanding that you may want to unfriend me on your LJ. Go for it. No obligation, no explaination needed.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: graphxgrrl
2007-02-28 05:40 pm (UTC)
Moral relativism sucks just as much as seeing everything in black and white to be sure. Certainly we don't all have to agree, but we shouldn't be afraid to believe in something because it might somehow offend someone.

I think my beliefs fall somewhere along the lines of what's called "value pluralism", essentially that there can be various right answers on issues that aren't necessarily in agreement, but that doesn't mean that they're in conflict either--and that there's no objective way to prioritize them.

And definitely, the best tool out there to fight any of the things people do and don't do in the name of right and wrong... is love.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 08:02 pm (UTC)
I think that political correctness has gone too far. I'm not out to offend anyone, but I'm not going to hide my beliefs because someone else might disagree with them. There is a difference between persecuting people who don't agree with you and expressing your beliefs if they are different.
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[User Picture]From: verybadlady
2007-02-28 05:42 pm (UTC)
*shrugs* I agree with all of it. especially poly. Seen it hurt some good friends... :(
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 08:05 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen it go well, but then again, many so called monogamous relationships are also a mess. *shrugs* I personally don't think it works in most cases from what I've seen. People are afraid to say it if they don't like it, and I think that is as wrong as people being totally intolerant.
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[User Picture]From: ebullientjenn
2007-02-28 05:50 pm (UTC)
I have some friends in LJ and in real life as well as LJ who are living the poly. It seems to work for them. I'm happy for them.

For me, not so much. I'd rather work on the relationship I have and find satisfaction within that or within myself to meet my needs. If my needs aren't being met, and I don't talk about it with my husband, then it's my fault just as much as it is his.

I realized last night that he's not loving on me enough, and I told him. I think that was part of my irrational outburst from the other day. I'm just not feeling the love. He's a do-er not a talker, and by nature, he's not physically affectionate, so I have to make my needs known, or I won't get anything. I'm not talking about sex mind you, I'm talking about love and intimacy, which CAN be sex, but not only sex as I'm sure you've learned with Craig.

Also.

Word.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 08:10 pm (UTC)
I am not out to persecute anyone who is poly. I personally don't like it and don't like to be around it. I don't see it working for people I know in real life and it makes me sad. It brings me down. I have friends who are poly and would not consider that to be what defines a person. That is their choice and I respect it even if I feel it is not a good choice, and I treat them as a friend. I am not involved in their sex life and it isn't my business.

There are some things that I see are "phases" for the vast majority of people. These are things like being Vegan, Bi-sexual, and Poly. They are likely to last a certain time before the person matures and finds them to be impractical and unsatisfying. Of course, some people really ARE all of these things and always will be, just far fewer than try it out for awhile.

I agree that it is vital to communicate what you need. I'm not great at that, but I'm working on it!
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From: billyjoe4th
2007-02-28 05:52 pm (UTC)
Sounds to me like you are a grounded, easy to get along with person....
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 08:10 pm (UTC)
Sounds can be deceptive. :) I'm pretty easily annoyed. Natural redhead. I am nice, but not always easy to get along with.
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[User Picture]From: vivaine666
2007-02-28 08:33 pm (UTC)
Aw come on now, you are delightfully charming in all ways at all times.

Hmmm now why did I have to re-type every word of that sentence due to my fingers not wanting to type correctly? hehehe

I love you and you're entitled to your opinions. And I completely agree on the poly thing. I realize it works for some but that's a minority. The poly people I know say it's because those people aren't doing it "right". And maybe that's true. I think that people that want to try the poly thing should really intensely examine their motives, as I see a lot of people who are made unhappy by it. But I also know some people that it's working for. To me it's kinda like someone who wants to ride a motorcycle without a helmet (pretend it's not illegal). I think it's dangerous and that they would be more likely to get hurt and it's not something I would do, but if they think that would make them happy, what does it matter to me? I just won't be very surprised when they get hurt badly.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 09:35 pm (UTC)
WEll, I don't think being poly SHOULD be illegal, and I don't think riding a motorcycle without a helmet should be either, just that when either person gets hurt, it is up to them to take responsibility. They take the risk.

I mean, and they can't be too shocked if people say, "WTF? Why no helmet?"
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[User Picture]From: rethought
2007-02-28 10:23 pm (UTC)
I love the word 'wang'. Heh.

Anything specific brought this on? (I've been head to the books, recently.)
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-02-28 10:58 pm (UTC)
I was actually inspired by a friend who blogged about Moral Relativism yesterday and also people who think in black and white terms. I started thinking about how I feel about the direction that our relationships are taking in general in this country. Now, I'm FAR from morally conservative, but I'm not as liberal as some and never will be it seems.
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[User Picture]From: cornetdude
2007-02-28 10:43 pm (UTC)
I liked this post, and I especially liked your last comment. It really is about taking responsibility for yourself. Too many people want to blame someone else, they're like teenagers, frankly. (I'm around too many teenagers...)
I also agree that poly, or whatever someone's choice may be, does not work for everyone. That's key. I think there are few fortunate that really discover what works for them...rather, they keep doing this, or that...or the other thing. Then it turns around and bites them, and it's of course, someone else's fault.
I enjoy reading your journal, I enjoy that you speak your mind, and I especially enjoy how happy you've become of late.
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[User Picture]From: starrynytes4me
2007-03-01 12:05 am (UTC)
Thanks! I am so very happy right now. I am lucky to have found someone so wonderful and who is such a good match for me.
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